The Mindful Migraine

In Australia we have a ‘reality’ television show in which people who have been unlucky in love are paired up by experts, and then ‘married at first sight’.  The couples are then expected to get to know each other and fall madly in love, all while the cameras are rolling.  I don’t watch the show for three reasons; I’m not a fan of playing with people’s hearts for ratings, I’m slightly suspicious about some of the contestant’s fame-seeking ulterior motives, but to be honest, it’s mainly because the format of the show is incredibly repetitive (apparently we all suffer amnesia over the add break and have to rewatch half of what we literally just watched).

Anyway, all stories need a villain.  From what I can tell from the ads, and the occasional snippets I watch, this year’s villain is a buff guy with a manbun and a caveman’s sense of humor.  Two weeks ago, when all the couples were sharing a dinner together, one of the other ‘wives’ reprimanded him for his bad behavior.  He took offense at being called out, and the argy-bargy turned nasty when the buff guy turned to the lady’s ‘husband’ and said, “put a muzzle on your woman.”  Yeah.  Nice.  There was a collective combination of groans and sighs from everyone else at the dinner party, but sadly, nobody jumped into the fray.  Whilst it was a pretty disappointing display of Australian manhood, rest assured not all Australian men are so wimpy or crude.

Last night, when I was waiting for something else to come on, I tuned in for another instalment.  This time the villain was upsetting the men by going into the pool area with them and calling some of them ‘whales’.  This time, the group was more collectively appalled, and two of the gentlemen were especially affronted.  I was only watching a recount of the event, rather than the event itself, but even that was very uncomfortable viewing. 

After spending the last year doing mindfulness techniques, I am much more aware of the body-mind-action relationship.  It was easy to see the two men were handling the situation differently.  One gentleman turned red and flew into ‘fight’ mode and got lippy. The other oscillated between ‘flight’ and ‘freeze’, his face turning various shades of white-green-pink while he stayed silent and tried to slide into the shadows.  Regardless, both of them were suffering.

Body-shaming people is never a ‘joke’ – it’s just not funny. 

I’ve struggled with self-image over the years for different reasons at different times.  When I was a student, I was self-conscious about my nose.  One day, one of the boys asked me to lie on the ground so they could use my nose as a sun-dial to tell the time.  I remember being slightly amused; it was an era before mobile phones, and not all of us were trendy enough to own a Swatch.  Mostly, however, I was of course mortified.  We eventually became friends and still speak to this day, but the fact that I can remember the ‘joke’ decades later shows how deeply words can cut.

More recently, I have worried about my weight.  A combination of Covid lockdowns, hormone replacement therapy for my chronic migraines, and being bed-bound for most of last year, means I have put on weight.  It’s disheartening to go up a size in jeans or realize your t-shirts are too tight in all the wrong places.  It’s a small thing in terms of overall health battles, but it nonetheless messes with your mind.  Shame, guilt, and disappointment are all part of a chronic pain day.  Add to that the occasional dose of self-loathing and things can slide into the negative pretty quickly.

Remember, that whilst it can feel as if our bodies ‘let us down’ from time to time, in reality they are doing an incredible job keeping us going despite a variety of obstacles.

So, today’s blog post is a reminder to everyone out there struggling in their own ways with physical, mental or emotional stresses – hang in there – ignore the people that spread negativity or try steal your joy. 

You are the best you that you can be – and that’s perfect. 

Linda x