I decided on the first day that I started this blog that I would not write about anything that requires a ‘trigger warning’. I don’t think this post crosses that line, but it does talk about psychological issues, and as such, you might prefer not to keep reading.
(Disclaimer – I’m not a psychologist, just a wide reader and a wanna-be deep thinker. What follows is only my understanding of a subject that may be worthy of professional help for you to explore.)
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In all of us is a little-child version of ourselves. You recognize it when you hear it in your head (or heart) saying, “why me?”, “it’s not fair”, “do I have to?”, or “everything is soooo hard”. If you’ve raised a toddler, or been to lunch with one, you’ll notice that your Inner Child often speaks with a whiney, petulant, indignant tone of baby-voice. It pleads and sobs and sighs in a way that marketers now label ‘pester power’. The Inner Child gets your attention by never letting you turn away.
The Inner Child is also quick to tears or anger, and is easily frightened. Again, think of the toddler in the supermarket, stamping its feet, or rolling around on the ground, clinging to its parent’s ankles, coaxing what it wants out of the parent, whilst also begging not to be left behind. No matter what the root cause or the intended aim, there are times when the toddler version of you is going to go for broke… even if it breaks something.
For most of us, most of the time, there’s an adult version of us who’s also parked in our brain. That version of us has wisdom and life experience enough to know what’s what. It replies to the Inner Child; “don’t panic, we’ve got this under control, just be patient” or “I know it doesn’t feel fair, but that’s just how life is sometimes, let’s see if we can’t find something different to do to make you happier.”
When you have days and days of chronic pain, a sort of emotional regression takes place. The adult-you gets worn down and the Inner Child in you starts to act out, getting louder and louder as it desperately looks for reassurance that it is safe and that everything really is ok.
In the same way that we wouldn’t judge a toddler (too harshly) for their temper tantrum, we ought to be kind (though not too indulgent) to our Inner Child when it acts out during chronic pain days. Just like a toddler, the Inner Child is anxious, insecure, vulnerable, worried about being abandoned. It craves love, attention, connection, nurturing, and support.
The next time you feel overwhelmed by your chronic pain, and sense yourself inching towards a potential ‘temper tantrum’ (whether it is a full-blown vocalized version in front of your family and friends or a deep-down silent scream into the void), it might help to calmly imagine a conversation in which the adult-you holds the inner-child-you in a warm embrace and says something like “it’s going to be ok: we ARE safe… we survived yesterday, we’re going to make it through today – hold on – I love you.”
No matter how tired you are, be kind to the Inner Child version of you.
Be kind to yourself.
Take care (of yourself and your Inner Child), Linda xox
PS – I found a series of videos about the Inner Child on a YouTube channel called Wu Wei Wisdom. On the upside, I enjoy the way the co-founders discuss the benefits and techniques of talking to the Inner You. It makes sense to me that if you emphasize questions such as “why do you feel this way?” you risk receiving venting and victimhood as a reply, whereas, if you shift the energy slightly, but powerfully, to “why do you believe this?” or “why do you choose this?” then the ‘conversation’ will be more ‘mature’. On the downside, however, I feel strangely prickly about the “there there darling” way they go about articulating some of the conversations. If you’re curious, here is an example explanation video and one of their several guided meditations:
(28 mins) HOW TO TALK TO YOUR INNER CHILD | Wu Wei Wisdom
(24 mins) INNER CHILD HEALING | Powerful Guided Meditation with Taoist Monk | Wu Wei Wisdom
The Mindful Migraine 
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