Many years ago, I came across the neologism “revertigo”. Even without knowing the details, I had a sense of the concept from the elements of the made-up word: revert + vertigo. The article which the term appeared in explained that revertigo relates to how quickly we fall back into our old roles from childhood when we return to spending time with our families in the holiday season, especially if the get-together is in the old family home.
I moved out of home when I was 19 years old but did my best to return to the family home every Christmas. In Australia, we have our big, 6-week holidays, for high school and university in December and January (our Summer), so there were a couple of times when I was overseas or “away” and couldn’t make it back in time… but I was there as often as I could be.
My sisters also moved up and out, and hours away from where I was. After they got married and had children, we started up a pattern where one year we would all meet on my parent’s farm for Christmas, then the next year (they would do Christmas with their husbands’ families) we would meet for New Years Eve. Back and forth we would swing, travelling, travelling, and making time for each other, once a year, every year. Eventually, in my late 30s, I got married and had my babies and now they became part of the oscillating arrangement.
What became increasingly apparent, is that a certain rhythm and routine slipped into our moods during these get-togethers. Without giving away too many personal details or embarrassing anyone, people tended to behave in regular, routine ways year on year. It became predictable who would stay up late, and who would sleep in every morning and miss breakfast, who spent a lot of time in the kitchen, and who wouldn’t (but loved to push sausages on a BBQ), which kids were adventure-seekers, and which ones preferred to lie on the loungeroom floor and rest in front of the TV to avoid the flies and 40 degree Celsius heat of the Australian bush.
My sisters and my parents all tended to behave in a way which seemed familiar to our childhood positions.
I often found myself in the role of bossy-big-sister, or else, trying hard to avoid it. The middle sister tended to be the peacemaker, and the youngest sister tended to go her own way. My mother spent most of her time cleaning-up whilst my dad was “out there” somewhere, making an appearance at the dinner table for mealtimes.
That’s not me being judgmental – the holidays worked so well because my dad was out there on the farm treating the adventurous kids to an adventure, while my mother was fussing over the lounge-dwellers with cookies and ice-cream.
Looking back, however, it wasn’t just the roles that we ‘fell-into’. There was also an aspect of old emotions that seemed to ‘rise-up’. Hysterical belly laughs followed by more silent frustrations, a roller-coaster of decades-old sentiments that lived just below the surface and were always ready to bubble over… for better or worse…
Revertigo.
Since COVID and the sale of the family farm, (and because my sisters’ “kids” are almost all grown up with their own lives and lovers), there are no more big get-togethers. This year, everyone is doing their own thing, and we’ll speak to each other on a communal zoom conference-call; wearing paper crowns and Santa hats. We’ll joke and laugh, and our hearts will swell with pride and love, but if it’s anything like the last couple of years, we won’t fall back into those old-childhood-revertigo-roles… we’ll be sitting in our own homes, being our own authentic-present-selves… lords of our own manors and manners.
Perhaps you’ll be returning to your family home in the near future… perhaps you too will return to your childhood-sense-of-self while you’re there. If you do – don’t panic – be curious: pay attention… you are who you are, then and now and now-and-then!
Take care taking care everyone, now and always, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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