The Mindful Migraine

When I first started this blog as a New Year’s resolution to myself, I was mostly posting to keep track of all the links that had worked for me, and in the hope that they might one day help a couple of other people.  I uploaded about 10 posts on Day One.  Then nothing for a couple of days.  Then I posted another one or two notes every now and then.  As time went on, I realized that blogging made me feel empowered, more like an ‘advocate’ for myself and others who struggle to articulate what they’re feeling.  It also made me feel less lonely, less of a ‘victim’.  I liked the idea that today might be the day that I make a difference to someone.  So, I started to think about developing a routine.  “Post once a day, Monday to Friday” I told myself.  I even started keeping notes about what I might post when. 

But then I missed a day and felt like I had to post two stories to ‘make up’ for what I missed.  And what about the days when I felt too sick, or was too busy to post; what then?  I started to feel guilty and nervous, and soon realised that the slightly-OCD-version of myself risked turning blogging into a chore rather than a pleasure. 

So, I decided; at the risk of ruining your routine, I’m not going to promise to stick to mine.

As humans we all oscillate between wanting security and desiring freedom.  We enjoy continuity AND novelty.  It helps to know what time you’re expected to be at work, have a timetable for the bus, or a programme for your project.  It makes life easier and more efficient.  There’s also nothing better than breaking that routine.  How great is that holiday-feeling when you can leave your alarm clock off, do what you want, go where you want.  Free from requirements and expectations.

I have such a clear memory of my childish excitement when I first saw the all-you-can-eat buffet-breakfast on my honeymoon cruise.  I still remember how much fun I had experimenting with things I wouldn’t eat for breakfast at home, like waffles and pancakes, Danish pastries, and made-to-order omelettes.  But I also have a strong recollection of waking up one day and feeling homesick for my pillow, my breakfast cereal and a cup of coffee made by me just the way I liked it. 

There’s a balance.

The migraine-brain is weighted a little different.  It LOVES routine.  Think about what triggers a migraine; too little sleep – or too much.  Drink too much coffee, you’ll get a migraine.  Drink less coffee than normal, you’ll get a migraine.  Skip a meal, forget your sunglasses, go to a new Yoga teacher; migraine, migraine, migraine. 

Routines are good – but they can also make the migraine-brain anxious if they don’t come true. 

You might not identify with the label ‘anxious’ but believe me when I tell you that your migraine-brain does.  Once it locks onto a particular routine it builds up relentless expectations.  It becomes obsessive.  We could give the migraine-brain a nickname: Goldilocks – because she doesn’t like things too hot or too cold, everything has to be ‘just right’.  The big problem with Goldilocks is sometimes she can be a petulant brat.  The migraine-brain can also become a nag; “You overslept”, it might whisper-hiss into the white noise in your mind; “who cares if you’re tired, you know you’re supposed to get up on time, now you’re going to make yourself sick…” 

The trick is to foster a healthy love-hate relationship with routines.  Your migraine-brain likes consistency but can become over dependent.  So, give it what it wants – most of the time – but try to train it not to be so unrealistic. 

Tell Goldilocks, your migraine-brain, “here’s the news: I’m going to foster a healthy routine around sleep, but you’re not going to panic if something comes up that means I can’t go to bed at 9.30pm on the dot.  I’m going to eat regularly, but you need to stop watching the clock and let me be a little more intuitive about my hunger.  I’m going to blog as often as I can, but you’re not going to make me feel bad if I don’t.”

How do you do this?  I’m still not entirely sure, but I suspect it has a lot to do with mindfulness in general, and more specifically the Vagus Nerve being adjusted from its trigger-happy ‘fight or flight’ setting into a more relaxed ‘rest and digest’ mode.

As with everything related to the paradoxical migraine-brain, whatever you chose to do, do it intentionally, but lightly.  Commit – but don’t over commit.  Sometimes you need to be a rock… sometimes water…

And with that inconclusive conclusion – good luck! 

Linda.