I finally made it to the hairdressers this morning. After many long months of ‘hibernating’ at home with chronic migraine, I sort of gave up a little bit on my personal appearance and stopped worrying too much about how my grey hair was getting a bit long and lanky. Even by my low standards, I realized that I needed a ‘tidy up’.
So, off I went to the hairdressers, the first in line at the store in the mall when the doors opened. As a chronic introvert, I tend to avoid the typical chit-chat that so many others enjoy with their hairdresser. I explain the cut I’m looking for, then break eye contact and hope they’ll notice that I’m happy to sit in silence and let them do what needs doing. (It might be a bit of a hang-over from when I was a child and I saw my sister’s ear receive a nick when the junior hairdresser was chit-chatting and snip-snapping at the same time.)
Today, the lady who was cutting my hair (I feel terrible, but I missed her name, probably because I was already doing my ‘retreat into shell’ mode), opened up a conversation about overseas travel. I mentioned that I don’t really fly anymore because of migraines. She then proceeded to tell me I needed to stay hydrated and take my own food on board, because plane-food has high levels of salt in it. I confess that a little part of me wilted at the unsolicited advice about hydration; what would she know?
Turns out – quite a bit.
My hairdresser had also been a flight attendant and crew manager for years AND suffers from migraines when she’s stressed.
Finding out this, the rest of the conversation was about migraines and what works (and doesn’t) for each of us, and, given we were about the same age, stories relating to perimenopause health. Over and over, she was clear; she doesn’t buy into the narrative that a lot of the world is selling – she’s not interested in menopause, doesn’t listen to talk about medication, doesn’t have faith in the medical profession, hasn’t got time to be sick for too long and so on. She really was a trooper, with migraine attacks that can last up to 6 days, but also telling me about times she comes to work when she’s sick and just pushes through.
Whilst our opinions didn’t always align exactly, the biggest thing that shone through during the conversation was her belief in positivity. Over and over, she reiterated that we need to be speaking kindly to ourselves and reminding ourselves we are strong and resilient and capable of good health. Her energy and self-belief was super-contagious and by the end of the haircut we were swapping contact details of people who had helped us and both of us were radiant with being understood.
She told me “today’s the day” – stop telling yourself you can’t travel on planes, stop feeling trapped by your diagnosis, stop helping others before you help yourself. She was very convincing, and I really do feel so much better from our brief encounter.
I learnt two lessons today. The first is a reminder that it is incredibly validating to speak to people with similar lived experiences as your own, and the second is that ‘retreating into your shell’ risks missing out on conversations that might change the direction of your life, and for what; fifteen minutes of silence in your head? You can get that silence later – why not talk when there are people who are willing to listen.
Even if you’re terribly shy – make today the day that you open-up and make yourself available to the universe… you never know who you might meet and what you might learn.
Take care taking care, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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