The Mindful Migraine

In the year 1943, American psychologist Abraham Maslow published a theory about how humans address their needs in the form of hierarchical stages.  (Curiously, Maslow himself apparently didn’t come up with the ever-present triangular graphic that we associate with his theory). You’ve probably seen the graphic, but here’s a copy of it if you haven’t: 

[Image source: Toddeasypeasy: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs]

Maslow’s idea was that humans need to satisfy all the levels of the triangle to feel content. The most basic needs (finding food and shelter for example) are at the base of the triangle, and in some ways are the most important for survival.  Once those needs are met, humans slowly begin moving up the rows, satisfying more and more of their needs, until eventually, they reach the pinnacle of “self-actualization”.  Self-actualization is a fancy way of saying “I see myself as a creative, valuable and important human being – my life has purpose and joy – my gifts are utilized daily and recognized by others”.  If the bottom of the triangle is all about surviving, then the pinnacle represents the ultimate form of thriving.

I believe the same triangle of hierarchies applies when it comes to healing.

When you are suffering from a migraine attack (or similar), and you’re right there in the thick of the whole-body catastrophe, when it’s truly, unbearably, excruciatingly uncomfortable – all that matters is the most basic level of physical comfort.  You take your medicine, and you desperately seek out a place to lie down.  You adjust the light and noise levels as best you can, as quickly as you can, and then you pull the blanket over your head and try not to weep.  Self-actualization?  Yeah right!  Forget thriving, in this moment, all that matters is surviving the pain.

Once the pain passes, however, our intentionality goes up a notch.  OK, so that was bad, how can we prevent it from happening again?  What other options can the doctor suggest so that we can feel safer?  How can we establish a more reliable network of family and friends who can help if this happens again?  Who do we need to explain the illness and its symptoms to so that they can better understand what we’re going through and accommodate our quirks kindly?

Over time, we can step our healing up to another level.  Our functional and emotional selves have been addressed (as best we can), now it’s time to see if we can start making some bigger changes in our lives.  How can we increase wellness and reduce anxiety?  What can we do to be more motivated about our healing, more hopeful?  How can we feel like we belong in the world, regardless of our diagnosis?  How can we rebuild our sense of self-esteem when we feel like we’ve lost so much of ourselves along the way?

[For the record – this is the bit where, humbly, I think I come in.  Your doctors can help with your base-line physical healing and safety, and your family and friends are available and best suited to be there for your emotional healing.  I on the other hand, am super-pumped to be there when it’s time for you to take it up a notch so you can start your transformation, which simultaneously accepts AND moves beyond your diagnosis.  Think of me and my blog, and all the readers who are building up a little community here, as your cocoon – we’ll hold you in a digital cuddle while you take the time to grow your wings and get ready to fly again!]

The last step on the ‘mountain’ of healing, is the “not only do I feel good about myself and all that I am able to do (which is pretty kick@$$ if I say so myself) but I’m ready to step into my power, take on the world and maybe even help others be their best version of themselves”.  This takes a while to get to when it comes to a healing journey.  I suspect it does in life in general.  Some people might never get this far.  Life is hard, it’s easy to slide back down when the pressure is on.  It seems unrealistic, even a bit cruel, to assume that everyone is going to be lucky enough to have all their needs met.  BUT I’m going to tell you that self-actualization is possible – because I don’t think you have to have every step of the hierarchy fully signed off before you’re allowed to progress further up the hill. 

I still experience pain.  I still have moments of extreme urgency where all that matters is getting to bed; everything else is irrelevant.  I still have days when I feel like I’m not enough for my family and friends.  I still have times where I feel like I don’t really belong in the wider, healthier, more able, often rude and impatient, world.  I still suffer moments of gut-wrenching imposter syndrome where I wonder what made me think I had permission to talk about a subject I have no formal qualifications in.  BUT – I am also beginning to feel as if I am identifying my inner strengths, I’m finding a sense of purpose that gets me out of bed in the morning, and I’m recognizing that I’m part of a wide network of digital buddies who support me as much as I support them… I AM beginning to understand, perhaps for the first time in 50+ years, what the concept of self-actualization might mean.

I tell you all of this, to remind you that wherever you are on your healing journey, there is a way up.  I’m not going to say, “the only way is up”, because there’s backsliding galore when it comes to chronic illness.  I can claim to be as self-actualized as I want, but I’m not cured of my condition.  That said, I want you to believe, REALLY BELIEVE, that you can keep going and keep growing.

Lastly, I’m going to remind you that wherever you are on your climb up this pyramidal mountain towards good health and happiness, there are always others ahead of you AND behind.  Ask those who are a step or two ahead for help and advice, and equally important, be gracious enough to acknowledge those who are a step or two behind you and lend them a hand.  I can’t shake the image of a conga-line of healing out of my mind; if each of us helped one other person on their healing journey, what a wonderful world it would be!

Take care my friends, and keep lifting yourself (and each other) up, Linda x