Last week I wrote about friends ‘ghosting’ people with chronic pain, and how much it hurts. Today I want to talk about a different friendship arrangement; ‘coasting’.
For me, I would suggest that most of my friendships fall into this category. My friends are ‘cruisy’. They’re low-maintenance. We don’t make contact regularly; we’re all too busy doing our own thing – but – if something were to happen, then I could call out and they’d do their best to come as soon as possible to help, or the opposite would also be true; I’d do my darndest to go to their aid.
When we do get together, we pick up where we left off… we just fall back into place. There’s plenty of shared laughs, memories and experiences that help hold us together. We enjoy each other’s company and look forward to the next get together… whenever that may be.
The nice thing about these friends is that they don’t seem to take offence if you go ‘under the radar’ for a while. You don’t need to be ever-present in their lives, or an instant-responder to their text messages. They don’t judge you for taking a couple of days to get back to them.
As someone who is often sick for a couple of days at a time, it’s greatly reassuring to know that these ‘coasting’ friends seem to ‘get it’.
That said – I’m going to give myself, and you, a bit of tough-love advice.
Don’t get too comfortable with this arrangement.
‘Low-maintenance’ is NOT the same as ‘no-maintenance’.
There’s a fine line between saying, “they don’t mind being left unanswered for a couple of days” versus “they don’t mind being ignored”… you know exactly what I mean.
If you are late to reply to their message, be gracious enough to apologize. Don’t assume that they will always ‘get it’. If you don’t know exactly what’s happening in their lives at the moment, then make sure to enquire about their situation as much as you re-explain yours. Do your best to make up for your ‘down-days’ by going above and beyond on the days you’re feeling OK.
Please, don’t be so lazy that you let them ‘drift’ too far away… or if you do, don’t be sad that you’ve lost them (and potentially end up ghosted)… you have to take some responsibility – friendship is a two-way arrangement. You can’t keep TAKING unless you’re prepared to GIVE a little as well.
So, one last reminder, made with an extended metaphor: cruisy friends who coast through your life are fantastic – just don’t let them drift too far away – remember to anchor your friendship with some love and attention.
Good luck, and take care taking care,
Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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