When my two daughters were babies, my husband and I decided to do a small renovation to the side part of our house. One day, the builder climbed out of the roof space, pale and a bit shaky. “I don’t understand,” he muttered, “the ceiling over the baby beds shouldn’t still be holding on – there’s nothing in the roof to keep it in place – the beams and joists are all rotted out.” “So,” my husband or I replied, “I guess we know where you’ll be working for the rest of the week.” And with that, everyone started moving the kids’ furniture out of the room.
It was work that we hadn’t programmed or budgeted for. It was going to ‘set us back’ in terms of time and money. But of course, it had to be done; it was ‘a no brainer’ as they say. When it comes to keeping children safe, there’s nothing a parent won’t do.
Had the ceiling been over the garage and my car’s paintwork was at risk, however, I’m not sure the decision would have been made in an instant. I suspect we would have all retreated to the kitchen, rolled out the plans on the bench and gone through some argy-bargy about what to do over a cup of tea. The level of risk would have been different, and therefore, so would the sense of urgency associated in prioritizing the work.
Every day we’re constantly shuffling, shuffling… mentally (re)allocating our resources to the tasks at hand, regardless of whether that resource is time, money, energy, or attention. We think we have the day / week / month / year mapped out and then – wham! – something arrives out of the blue and ‘pulls the rug out from underneath us’ OR threatens to drop the ceiling on our heads.
Sometimes it’s a national emergency, a family one, or something small and profoundly personal that happens to derail our best intentions (like a migraine). And each time the drama occurs, be it a tiny tremor or full-blown earthquake, we have to shimmy-shuffle-shove our plans into new locations. To-do lists fly out the window, and our ‘best laid plans’ go up in smoke. (I’m mixing all my metaphors – I know, I know!).
The point is, we are very good at reprioritizing things, moving issues up and down the ranks of importance. What I suspect however, is that our health (mental, physical, spiritual, creative) is one of those ‘scratched car’ issues that tends to be pushed aside for bigger ‘roof collapsing’ dramas (real or perceived). I for one, am very guilty of pushing my health needs aside, (I’m sick all the time after all so what’s one more day of discomfort if it helps with this, that, or the other…).
This approach (sort of) makes sense; it keeps life flowing for everyone (else). In the long term, however, I’m not sure that our health is as irrelevant and superficial as ‘scratched paint’. I think that the potential damage that can occur if we keep setting ourselves aside, creates deeper wounds that will take longer to heal, and might leave scars. I am coming to suspect that constantly de-prioritizing ourselves to last place is a form of trauma that adds to all the other discomfort and overwhelm that we are already feeling.
We understand that our houses and cars need regular maintenance in order to be safe and sound, work properly and keep their value – so why is it not the same for ourselves?
There should be no shame or guilt, or implication that you are being ‘selfish’ when you put your health first. ‘Saving yourself’, healing on your terms, in your own time, is as important as any other life goal that you have.
Today is International Self Care Day – so today, if not all the time, remind yourself that self-care is not selfish… you deserve some you-time.
If other people don’t get that – don’t just drop back into your old habits or last place – do your best to explain it to them. Stay strong, think of yourself as worth saving, and re-prioritize your health and healing.
Take care, Linda x
PS – here’s a great picture that I saw on LinkedIn from a Reiki healer called Roman Vaynshtok (here) – it explains the need for self-care perfectly:
The Mindful Migraine 
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