I used to be a bit of a perfectionist. I set high goals for myself. I liked to achieve those goals. Heck, I preferred to overachieve in life wherever possible. “Under promise and over deliver” used to be my humble-brag mantra. Gold stars, pats on the back, A+’s, thumbs up acknowledgement, here I come. Rest assured I’d give you 110% for whatever you’re asking, and you won’t have to ask twice.
Sounds promising right?
Well, it often does get you good results. Great results even. But it’s exhausting. No sooner have you met one benchmark, than you’ve started trying to create a new benchmark to measure your success by. Or someone else has.
“Want something done?” a friend used to say; “ask a busy person.”
The implication is that hard workers will always find room to fit you in. Hard workers, people pleasers, rule-followers, sucker-uppers… call us what you will. We are good people, but wow, do we get tired.
I’ve never really been motivated to have a big bank account or drive a fancy car. As an architect, it’s nice to have a nice home, but it’s a good-to-have not a must-have. I’m not out to impress anyone else. I’ve never felt the need to gloat. Behind all that gold-star-chasing, what I most wanted was the self-awareness and self-validation that I had given it my all.
I’m not sure where this mentality comes from. If I had to guess it’s a combination of what the adults in my life said when I was growing and the way that I chose to hear those messages. If you have siblings, then you know that even an identical upbringing can generate different personalities. You can’t totally thank or blame your parents for who you’ve become – you have to accept that some of this is on you.
More importantly – you should know that whoever you are today can change.
Transformation, evolution, metamorphosis – alteration is the backbeat to life.
A while back I heard a saying that implied self-improvement wasn’t about learning new skills, it was about unlearning the skills that no longer serve you.
Perfectionism – you are hereby on notice – your services are no longer required.
You aided me when I was young and ambitious and full to overflowing with energy and enthusiasm, but now I am a different person who needs a different skillset. Today I would prefer to see progress over perfectionism. I’m more have-a-go than get-it-all-right. Do-your-best is better than be-the-best. I’m getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. I’m prepared to be visible as vulnerable. I’m trying my hand at coming out of my shell and talking to people. I’m experimenting with photoshoots of myself. I’m not yet a swimming-with-sharks kind of person, but you never know. I no longer fear failure (as much), and I’d prefer to try and fail than never try at all.
What does that mean for you?
It means you get blog posts that are my open-heart best-effort rather than anything near perfect. It means that you can use this as encouragement that you too can take a breather from going all out, all the time. It means you have permission to tell others that you get why they asked the busy person for help, but you’re not really that busy person anymore… you know how to prioritize, and perhaps today you’re prioritizing you over everyone else. Imagine!
You are who you are – for now – not forever.
Feel free to look into your own personality and ask yourself what skillset no longer serves you well and say goodbye (and perhaps good riddance).
Take care taking care, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
Leave a comment