Don’t ask me why, but the other day it occurred to me how many ‘crosses’ there are in my life. I spend a lot of time at pharmacists, and there’s always a red (blue or green) cross on the signage. My husband has Maltese heritage, so my house is filled with everything from fridge magnets to table runners which have the Maltese Cross on them. There’s a couple of pirate books on the kids’ bookshelves from eons ago, and I’m sure if I went looking in them, they would surely have an X to mark the spot for the buried treasure everyone is so keen on finding.
But the symbol that really sticks in mind, jumped out of one of my daughter’s homework books – the positive sign.
The tiny symbol “+” is small but mighty. It is an expansive thing. It stands for positivity and addition; in other words, ‘positive growth’.
Right now, I’m waiting for my university backup to take place on my computer and feeling a little glum about the state of the universe. While I wait, I decided to play around with a “be positive” logo. I experimented with colors that are associated with migraine warriors and my healing mandala, and those which are supposed to be related to healing headaches. In the end, I decided I quite liked the one that became a sort of positive-battery, green for growth, red for love. Except… even though the two colors are ‘complimentary’ (they are opposite each other on the color wheel) there is something visually at play which makes the red look like it has a shadow against the green – it almost hurts to look at it. So, I changed it again, and went back to the navy blue (I find it calming) and the green for positive growth:
What’s the point of all this? I don’t know, to be truthful, probably nothing…
All I do know, is that the more I cultivate positivity, and the more I try to be positive, the less stressed I am, and the less susceptible to migraine attacks I seem to be. Negativity always seems to create a dark cloud that hovers around (or in) my head. Positivity, on the other hand, carries a glimpse of sunshine; the light at the end of the tunnel. Positivity seems to boost not just my happiness but also my self-esteem.
For a very long time I relied on some pretty messed up narratives (‘trash talk‘); I’ll never heal, I can’t heal, I don’t deserve to heal… but when you allow positivity back into your life, it’s very hard to say those narratives out loud without sounding silly. I’ve written before that it’s hard to feel angsty when listening to spa music. This is the same.
Positivity is expansive like that little + sign.
I remember that when my two sisters and I we were kids, my mother used to talk to us a lot about the fictional character Pollyanna. Given that these conversations took place decades ago, I can’t be 100% certain I’m remembering the story details correctly, but I believe Pollyanna was a little orphan girl who played the “glad game” which helped her to see the silver lining in life – no matter what. As a kid I thought she was a little too good to be true, so sweet she’d rot the teeth in your mouth. For example – spoiler alert – I’m pretty sure she breaks both legs or her back (??) towards the end of the story but STILL refuses to make a fuss, and all the townspeople rally around her, showering her in love, cake and new bonnets.
Pollyanna is undoubtedly a role model in her relentless positivity (if I’m remembering right). The gentle-feminist in me, however, is a bit frustrated that her silent suffering is apparently what makes her so loveable. I think we deserve to be more honest about what we endure, without stigma or shame. Hushed anguish is not a sign of increased lovability or positivity in my mind… or at least it shouldn’t be. And now, ironically, as I wait for my backup to finish, I’m starting to get a bit annoyed again, and ‘getting my back up’.
Anyway – my backup is done – my spine straight and my shoulders are rolled back – thank you power poses – so it’s time to move on… positively… authentically… infectiously… perhaps loudly if need be.
Take care, positively if possibly, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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