I’ve never been a huge fan of Charles Dicken’s story “A Christmas Carol” (1843). The cranky old selfish man Ebenezer Scrooge was a horrible central character, and yes, I know that he undergoes an epic character arc which redeems him… but still… what kind of person picks on a child like Tiny Tim? Bah-humbug indeed!
That said, the plot device that Dickens cleverly uses to generate the character transformation is very cool: the three ghosts that visit him, from the past, present and the future.
It got me thinking about my own life, lived with migraines… what would my migraine ghosts say to me if they were to visit me this Christmas?
I decided to experiment with a short work of “faction” – not quite fact, not quite fiction!
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The Ghost of Migraines Past
In the twilight gloom of the room, it was easy to drift into an almost-slumber. Closing your eyes, the sounds of the house are still present, but the warmth of the room and the comfiness of the chair are making it hard to stay in the moment. Always prone to reveries, you allow the room to slowly evaporate, replaced with a palimpsest of overlapping images from the past… there was the family farm, but also a movie theatre, the lounge room, a hospital, and a school bus… and there in the middle of the transparent images was a ghostly figure draped in dark robes, resembling death. The figure’s presence is like a black hole… it seems to exert a gravitational pull upon the room, sucking the life and color out of it. Worse, its darkness also seems to be contagious, spreading outwards and filling the forms and fibers of the room like a dank mold…
“I am The Ghost of Migraines Past” the figure says in a voice that contains immense misery; “I have come to remind you of all your migraines – first to worst.”
Behind The Ghost, images flash past like slides in an old fashioned carousel-projector; click, click, click… one after the other, over and over; the first migraine on the school bus, rushing out of movie theatres, throwing up in the park, sleeping in the back of cars, trips to the hospital, all the way to the worst migraine of all time where three teeth were cracked under the pressure; click, click, click… With a sigh, you try to pull yourself out of sleep. This is not the restful nap you were hoping for, but The Ghost clutches you tightly, and pushes with a great force on the front and back of your head like a vice, and then somehow also reaches inside you to cause your stomach to drop and simultaneously rise up into your throat…
Just as you think you can not bear being pushed and pulled any longer, there is a whisper in your ear; “ah – you are so strong – you can withstand all that I send your way… resilient too… you overcome my presence and pressure, over and over…” and then, almost with a sense of disappointment at being thwarted, The Ghost of Migraines Past fades away…
The Ghost of Migraines of Present
You rouse yourself to wake, and as your eyelids flutter open, another face appears right in front of you. This ghost is as transparent as the last, but looks kinder, milky white like the familiar fog that still resides in your head on your worst days, but with the golden hue of a hopeful halo about its head.
It smiles almost sheepishly as it lays its thumb upon your right eye, and slowly, gently, pushes against the softness of your eyeball. It is not a terrible pain, but it is a pain, nonetheless. “Things are better for you now”, The Ghost of Migraines Present whispers, “you have come so far, healed so much, my impact on your life is so much less than it used to be.”
You nod slowly and sit a little straighter in your chair. It is true, all your mindful movement, your meditation, the care you take over your posture, your diet, your nervous system, all of it adds up to a shield of armor that is helping you gradually protect yourself from migraines. It is sometimes hard to believe, but in 18 months you have gone from daily bed-bound migraines, to living a fairly functional life. The Ghost smiles and releases its thumb from your eye… and you sigh with relief as it fades away.
The Ghost of Migraines of Yet to Come
You blink your eyes rapidly to clear the haze from the room, but still it hovers, and reforms into a third apparition. This ghost appears as if it were made of light refracted from a stained-glass window or a multitude of precious stones; sapphires, rubies, emeralds… as The Ghost moves towards you it shimmers and shines. You hold your breath waiting for it to reveal your future. To your delight, The Ghost kisses you on the forehead, right at the point where your pain usually resides, and whispers, “your proactiveness and your patience has been rewarded… you have saved yourself and I am… no… more… farewell…”
You sit in the glow of all that colored light, beaming with contentment – healing IS possible – there is always hope… you may never be completely pain free but you CAN certainly suffer less…
And when you wake from your afternoon nap, you are pleased to find that the pain is just a little bit removed today… you are one step closer to feeling lighter and brighter… and isn’t that the gift we would all give ourselves this Christmas?
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Take care believing that you can get better, Linda xx
The Mindful Migraine 
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