In the past I’ve talked a tough game about “progress over perfection” and how I understand the difference between “the circle of control and the circle of influence” (here) – but the reality is, I remain a mid-level control freak… OK, eye-roll… upper-middle-level control freak.
I like to know what’s planned for the days ahead. I prefer to be able to manage the probable outcomes of those events. And it would be great if everyone could help facilitate that management, and yes, Universe, that includes you AND the weather… let’s all just stick to the plan thank you very much.
Of course, life doesn’t work that way.
Things have a habit of going awry… they go off course… swerve… bend… flex… sometimes break.
The trick is how you handle that flexible-breakage.
Me… I like to think I’m flexible… I’m a Gemini after all… I’m all about hope for the best, plan for the worst, let go on the day… but I suspect I tend to break a little on the inside even when I’m acting like this unexpected plan-pivot is no big deal.
Who can laugh whole-heartedly at the drama of forgetting to buy the birthday cake, the dog almost knocking it off the table once you race it home, and then some random child putting their fingers or face in it before you get a chance to light the candles??
Later maybe… but in that moment… you’d find it funny… really?
You’re a better (more humorous) person than me.
In Australia we sometimes call people who snap under pressure “fibro” – it’s short for “fibrous cement sheeting” (NOT fibromyalgia). Fibro was typically made from asbestos fibers compressed to make sheets to clad buildings, which is why it’s now a banned material… but that doesn’t stop us oldies from using the slang put-down: fibro sheets seem tough, but apply enough pressure to them, and they always snap.
In a similar but different vein, when I was young, I used to play a game with friends; are you a carrot, an egg or coffee? A carrot goes into ‘hot water’ tough but turns soft, whilst an egg goes in fragile and gooey but becomes hardened by the experience. Coffee, meanwhile, merges with the hot water and transforms into a whole new rich entity.
Perhaps the rock/tree analogy works too… are you super-tough, resist pressure and stand your ground without changing an iota (whilst risking being bowled away) OR do you bend and flex, fold over, then spring back to upright when the pressure subsides?
All of this is just my jumbled way of wondering how we handle pressure when we’re trying to keep everything under control.
Some people know how to go with the flow, others tend to resist change… until they crumble.
I suspect my occasional migraines became chronic because I was trying to be more rock than tree… and when the pressure became too much, I turned out to be more carrot than coffee…
No judgement mind you – sometimes you might not like what you see in the mirror, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look.
Furthermore, I don’t think it has to be quite so cut and dry, so this or that, black and white, rock or fibro… I think that it’s possible that we’re different in different situations, that we change over time, that we think one way but act another, that we see ourselves as a particular type of person, but our family and friends see us differently… all of which can be super-validating… or create a strange sense of disconnect…
All I know is that I prefer to have things under control, but I have also come to suspect that control is an illusion… and that life is chaotic… but NOT pure chaos… so I try to master the chaos… which of course defeats the purpose of letting go…
SIGH.
And because it’s a Friday (my time)… let’s see if there’s a meme for that…
[Image source: random googling…]
Take care taking care… casually, Linda xox
The Mindful Migraine 
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