The Mindful Migraine

The other day I had to catch the train into university to see my PhD supervisor. It takes about one hour, as long as everything goes right. If there is any sort of problem, then it can be even longer. Very occasionally, I’ve had to get off and change to a bus or get picked up from a station due to ‘line failure’, ‘an accident’ or some other, (often unexplained), issue.

As I was getting on the train this time, I remembered how I often use the metaphor of ‘trying to stop the train before it leaves the station’ as a way of explaining the need to reign in anxiety or pain before it ‘takes off’ and ‘gets away’ from us. I still think it’s a useful metaphor, but I also realized that it implies we have more control than we probably do.

Sure, there are train guards and signal controllers, line masters, and platform staff with whistles and flags, that can help us ‘stop the train’ but most of the time we just hover on the platform staring incredulously at boards that swap from “due in 10 minutes” to “cancelled”. Ask the dude on the platform, “how come?”, and he shrugs and walks away.

[Ask a migraine-brain “why that trigger – why now?” and I can easily imagine the migraine-brain shrugging nonchalantly as it blows a whistle in your ear and waves a red flag in your face – thanks dude. Since when has migraine or anxiety ever needed an official rhyme or reason?]

It’s also debatable how much control we have once we’re on the train. My stop is the first on the line, so I can literally sit anywhere I want. I tend to avoid first and last carriages, due to some weird superstition. I also avoid the carriages where school students are loitering – their laughter should fill me with happiness, but the volume tends to be too much. I also do a weird sun-analysis where I try to imagine the course of the train and which side will have the most sunshine streaming in (and then avoid that side). Then I have to decide whether it’s better to sit on the 2-seater or the 3-seater bench, trying to imagine how full the train will end up. [And yes, I really do (over)think it all this much.]

In reality though, ten seconds after the train leaves the platform, a bunch of loud-mouth kids can arrive in hysterics and sit all around me. The train can turn a sharp bend that I forgot about in my analysis and sun will pour all over my pug-puppy face. Or the normally ’empty’ train run for this time of the day can turn out to be full and I have to wriggle past a crowd of people to get off at my destination, wondering what possessed me to sit in the middle of the carriage instead of near the doors.

I guess my point is, there is a fine line – and a big difference – between mindfulness and over-thinking.

Mindfulness is a form of body-centric thinking that places your mind in your body in the here and now. Yes, it probably involves avoiding sun in your eyes and noise in your ears. But it doesn’t pretend to have any control over the sun, the noise, the train’s directionality or popularity, or the universe in general. Over-thinking implies a course of action that can somehow anticipate cause and effect, and influence both. Ultimately, what we are concerned about is rarely the same as what we can control.

I remain committed to ‘stopping the train from leaving the station’ – when you feel as if a migraine might be coming, take a deep breath, shake out your shoulders, pretend you face is warm wax and melt it, don’t panic, don’t send any extra alarm signals to your migraine-pain-brain-train.

Equally importantly, however, it will help your mood and reduce your frustration and despair, if you can differentiate between what you can control and what you can not.

It all reminded me of something I learnt about many moons ago: Steven Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and his ‘circle of control vs circle of concern’. Here’s a nifty (slightly booby) image I found on a leadership training site to explain it:

[Image source: Circle of concern v Circle of control – Discovery in Action – they also have a good video nearby that explains how the model works.]

There’s only so much influence you have over your migraine-pain-brain-train. Learn to manage the triggers you can influence, and, accept that there are other aspects you can’t control, so LET GO of them. What that looks like will vary from person to person, day to day: your pain – your brain – your journey. Through trial and error, you can start to re-train your migraine-brain to stay on the right track.

[Sorry not sorry for the pun… I couldn’t help myself… it’s due to my loco-motive!]

Take care everyone, and good luck on the trains… as it were.

Linda xox