On my healing journey I have often turned to metaphors in an attempt to articulate what I think and feel about my situation. I’ve spoken of the “tidal” (rather than linear) nature of healing, and the “rising tide of advocacy“, both of which affirm the fluid nature of the wellness-illness spectrum I reside in.
In other posts I have referred to healing “paths” and spoken of my journey as sometimes straight, sometimes curving… occasionally downhill. One post included a literal map for reversing chronic pain I found online; The path of chronic pain.
In yet others, I have referenced my disillusionment towards the phrase “migraine warrior” and how it leaves me feeling exhausted, turning instead to the gentler metaphors of gardening which emphasize nurturing, growth and patience rather than battles and attacks.
Recently, I came across another way of imagining my transformation – a way that seems so obvious in hindsight, but blindsided me when I read it.
The phrase came from a fabulous blog called Sea Library (“borrow books about the sea from a library by the sea”), and a post titled Three years among libraries. The post itself is wonderous, and well worth the read, but the sentence that jumped out was this: “That same year, when I left my previous profession and a good job to move to the sea in Jūrmala and reweave myself – coincidentally or perhaps not – the National Library of Latvia opened its doors to the public in its new home – the Castle of Light.”
First of all – “Castle of Light” – what a swoon-worthy name for a place of learning and enlightenment!
But also “reweave myself” – wow.
As a person who spends a lot of time looking at texts, I admire the way authors create texture, so there is something especially poignant about reweaving ourselves through a textile tapestry of words.
What is journalling and blogging about after all, if not to reweave ourselves?
My mind was spinning… and it landed on another lady weaving… this time the Lady of Shallot, painted by John William Waterhouse; “I am half-sick of shadows” (1915):
[Image source: Google]
Here now was another nuance in the arrangement – someone locked in her castle of light, cursed to stay inside, half-sick, sick of shadows… if I knew how to shuttle my silks, I could relate entirely, but even without the spinning wheels and loom-life… I can press my hands to my head and understand.
And yet…
There are still other threads that we can tug at to reveal a version of our woven selves.
This time the additional layer comes from the book “Melmoth the Wanderer” (1820) written by clergyman Charles Maturin, and reviewed by Derick J Knight on his blog (full post here).
The review includes several quotes from the book, but one metaphorical musing stood out to me: “…like the wrong side of tapestry, where we see only uncouth threads, and the harsh outlines without the glow of the colors…”
When we look back at the Lady of Shallot’s tapestry, we see the blue rondels shaped like windows in her work, but we can also imagine the reverse side with all its knots and tucked tails. The side that is not meant to be seen…
And yet…
“The wrong side” is still a side – an inherent part of the whole. Those harsh outlines and uncouth threads are as much a part of us as the glowing right-side colors.
And even if this is not the side of ourselves we choose to show the world, not the window into the “picture perfect” version we wish to display… it is still a part of who we are.
Reweave yourself by all means… but do it for the right reasons… never let people make you feel as if your private uncouth threads are less worthy than your public glow.
And now, I’ll end with one more blog reference, this time a quote from “Evening Musings” on the Awakening Wonder blog:
“May the calm of the evening wrap around you like a gentle shawl, woven from every small kindness you gave and received today. […] Good night, dear one. You’ve done enough. You are enough.” ~ Unknown author
Take care taking care my friends, no matter whether you are woven wildly or glowing gloriously, know that you are always enough,
Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
Leave a comment