When I was a youngster, I loved those books where you could choose your own adventure. For example: the main character is trekking along when they arrive at a fork in the road. Which way should they go? If you think left – turn to page 11 / if you think they should go right – turn to page 67.
By the time you’ve chosen whether to swim across the river or take the canoe… lit a fire to stay warm or left it unlit so you don’t attract attention… and then finally, pick up the treasure and risk the booby-trap snapping or go home with memories as treasure enough… you’d zigged-and zagged your way through the book, while having your own totally you-nique experience.
Me being me, I often went back and started the book again, picking the exact opposite of my original, intuitive, choices, to see where it landed me instead.
The way I remember the books was, some of the options ended with an imagined sad trombone sound and a “you’re out” style ending (you shouldn’t have swum across those rapids – silly you!!) but other times you made it to one of several ends, winning and grinning (famous, rich or just happy to be alive!)
OK, so Memory Lane’s nice and all that – but what’s that got to do with holistic healing and mindfulness?
I’m not totally sure – I just know that the phrase came to me a while ago and I couldn’t let it go.
Life is a journey – healing takes time – we’re all of us zigging and zagging our way through the days as best we can.
All day, we’re making decisions, big and bold, as well as small and seemingly insignificant (although of course, as I’ve written before, nothing is inconsequential).
Should I have a cup of coffee to get the day started or give it a miss to avoid a potential headache? Should I use my savings to pay down the mortgage or go on holiday? Should I quit helping the friend who never helps me back? Should I stop taking the Hormone Replacement Therapy for my migraines or will the pain come flooding back? Should I change jobs in the hope that a new job will be a better fit for me? Should I try Botox for my tense jaw, even though I’m filled with trepidation because the 31 needles I already get for my migraines is not overly pleasant?
The thing about this way of looking at your choices, is that it assumes all these decisions are neat forks in the road. Life rarely sends you to page 11 or 67. Real life is more layered than that…
Which brings me to what prompted me to write this post.
The inspiration came from an unlikely source; an article about a 40-something year old lady, called Julie, who decided to go to Summer Camp for adults (link here). When Julie arrived at camp, she discovered most of the women were in their 60s and 70s. At first, she felt uncomfortable (“like maybe I was too old for friendship bracelets but too young to join the wisdom circle”), but by the time she returned home, she had learnt a valuable lesson:
“On an island in the Adirondacks, the women around me lived as proof that women are never just one age. We’re every age we’ve ever been, all at once.”
“Under the shade of centuries-old trees,” Julie had an awakening that she was simultaneously, “the girl learning a new song, a mom crafting something just for herself, and an elder sneaking dessert.”
Male or female, young or old, solo or connected, we are each of us, a collection of experiences that combine to make us who we are today.
Joyous or difficult, big or small, cursory or momentous, each event and choice shapes us, defines us… remains us.
When I think back to those ‘choose your own adventure’ books, I see a synergy with who I was then and who I am now (go-back-and-read-it-again-girl and all). Every left-right-up-down-swim-or-canoe decision I have ever made has landed me where I am today… for better or worse… including the decision to leave a leech on a fellow hiker during my own Summer Camp experience (read more here).
I wouldn’t be Dr Linda if I hadn’t decided at 50 years old that I wanted to pursue something for myself, and I also would probably not have ended up overwhelmed and stressed with migraines that merged from occasional to chronic. But I also wouldn’t have gone online to relieve my loneliness from all those hours studying from home alone (while sick), and then I wouldn’t have met all of you amazing people!
Sometimes, it can feel like the choices we make define us in absolute ways. Sometimes they do. But there are other times, where we’re a bit more like the sneaky-youthful-me and we can go back and re-make our choices, use the experience we have gained, and guess again.
Julie’s story noted that she was not a camping-kid, and then ends her holiday story with this: “I thought I was late to camp, but maybe I arrived right on time.”
I like that sentiment.
And I don’t.
When you’re in pain, it doesn’t really help to tell yourself that “everything happens for a reason” – the notion opens up way too many punishing doors to guilt, shame, confusion, regret…
But when things are feeling a little brighter, then it IS nice to say; I’m happy today… and you know what, I deserve to be, because I got myself right to where I needed to be.
Sending love and happy vibes your way if you’re struggling (remember you’re not alone) – and congratulating you if you’re thriving; yay you for choosing the right adventure at the right time!
Take care taking care fellow adventurers, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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