The Mindful Migraine

OK – so the title of this post is a lot more… macho (maybe)… than my usual posts – and it’s why I countered it with the “no violence” words in the cover image.

“Being bulletproof” is not my phrase; it’s the book title of US Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras. The idea for reading this book came in a comment to my blogpost “Prepper-Mindfulness” about how I wanted to toughen up my ability to withstand chaos. The comment itself came from my blog-buddy Exarchos Kostis (nutritionist and competitive shooter) over on the blog Diet gun (which targets (pun intended) the most effective ways to improve your physical condition).

After the tip, I went to the website of my local library and looked up the synopsis of the book:

“….Evy Poumpouras shares the insights and skills from one of the oldest elite security forces in the world – to help you prepare for stressful situations, instantly read people, influence how you’re perceived, and live a more fearless life. […] Evy demonstrates how we can […] heighten our own natural instincts to detect BS, develop grit and become the most resilient and powerful version of ourselves…”

Hmmm… sounds intriguing – so it took a while, but I finally borrowed the book.

Ok – so this book was good – even if you’re not likely to do a security detail for a celebrity – it has some interesting ideas about how to toughen up and stay safe.

First up – fear – Ms Poumpouras includes a great quote from Sophacles to get started: “To him who is in fear, everything rustles.“

[The same goes for migraine triggers – once you’re feeling unwell, and your resistance is down, triggers seem to be everywhere, hitting you while you’re down, compounding your pain… rustle… rustle…]

As Ms Poumpouras notes – fear is relative – whether you find yourself in a pivotal board meeting or a terrorist attack, your ability to survive relates to your ability to conquer fear, which in turn comes down to one thing: mental attitude. (page 13)

In car accidents, so many people who are about to crash apparently do two things: take their hands off the wheel and then cover their faces – right when we need control and clear sightlines, “panic causes us to abandon both” – bad things are going to happen in life, but if you can face them in a more fearless way, you increase your chances of surviving. (25)

She suggests fear of falling and an aversion to loud bangs are innate in all humans. Most other fears, however, are conditioned. Even though the statistics say we are more likely to die in a car crash than die in a plane crash or shark attack; the fear of flying and shark-phobias are bigger. In part she says, this is because the rarity of the events makes them newsworthy and therefore more visible, and, because we are genetically predisposed from our primitive ancestors to fear creatures with big teeth. (26-8)

Ms Poumpouras then explains the traditional responses to fear are: Fight (you combat the threat head on and attack becomes defense) / Flight (the threat feels too hot to handle so you run away) / Freeze (your mind and body are so overwhelmed by the threat you become completely immobilized).

She notes that we all individually tend to favor one form of response over another. For her, even as a child, it was fight (for better or worse) whilst her mother tended towards flee (unless Evy was all-in, and then Mom couldn’t scamper, so she would freeze). Knowing which way is your go-to response helps you be proactive rather than reactive in a crisis and harness/avoid your impulses. (28-32)

[I think Flight is one of my strongest instincts (I hate confrontation and am very aware of my physical limitations) – but – I can think of several times in my personal and professional life (especially when I was protecting others) that I felt a switch flick inside me and I instantly shifted into Fight mode and was able to VERBALLY (calmly yet ruthlessly) enter the fray.]

At the beginning of the year, I wrote about having invisible mentors as part of my New Years Revelation – I decided I wanted to channel the warrior energy of women such as the Viking Shield Maiden Lagertha or the brave Chinese fighter Mulan. Well, turns out Ms Poumpouras endorses a similar approach. Her role models were Ancient Greek Heroes from her homeland: Odysseus, Achilles, King Leonidas of Sparta: “I breathed these stories like air. And the more I learned about these great heroes, the more I began to see myself as one of them […] We daydream about the qualities we hope to embody – bravery, strength, justice, integrity – and begin shaping our lives around such values.” (33)

And so she did – she became a New York policewoman, and then a member of the Secret Service, and more recently, an author, motivational speaker and more – see her website here: Evy Poumpouras.

The book covered everything from improving your situational awareness, projecting confidence through your body language, reading people’s faces to determine if they might be avoiding the truth, how to influence others, and doing everything you can to be a ‘counter-predator’ (rather than vulnerable prey).

There’s more information than I could summarize here, but there were a few things I’d like to shout out because they potentially stand true regardless of where you are in life:

+ The power of regret is real – if you give into your fears, you might save yourself some discomfort now, but you might also live with regret for a lifetime. (40)

+ Fortify your mental armor – life is interwoven with good and bad, so harm and pain are sadly inevitable, but you don’t want someone else’s cruelty / negligence / toxicity to ruin your life, so maintain a psychological barrier to insulate yourself from harm. (47)

+ Kill fear while it’s small – before small worries can ‘take root and grow’ / before the ’ember becomes a fire’ – this includes slowly exposing yourself to what you fear, and teaching yourself how to manage the risk, acclimatize to the feelings, and eventually take control of them. (54-55)

+ Have the courage to walk away – it’s NOT weakness to walk away from a fight / protecting your pride is not always reason enough to enter into pointless confrontation; not every action requires a reaction. (58-9)

+ Play the long game – check your impulses and ask yourself if your actions will aid you in the long term, and if your short-term tactics don’t cut it, then pivot and create a new approach that will get you where you’re ultimately trying to go. (61-4)

+ Avoid a problem mindset – it’s normal to be disappointed when things don’t go as planned, but fixating on what went wrong is energy wasted. Be disappointed, feel it, find meaning in it if you can, then move on and focus instead on solutions; be creative, innovative, take a birds-eye view, shuffle, fix, improve, be persistent and don’t give up / give in. (69-71)

+ Adopt a powerful rather than powerless attitude – no matter what happens, take some ownership. “Look what I became” is a more powerful statement than “look what became of me” which sounds like the words of a passive victim, mercy to circumstance. Making excuses or throwing blame is not powerful. Hero or zero – own the outcome. (72-74)

And last, but by no means least:

+ Be able to adapt – rigidly relying on the notion that tomorrow will be the same as today, and everything we plan will go in accordance with the proposed details is naive and ineffective. (261-3)

Whilst everything in the Secret Service was highly choreographed for the team, they were nonetheless trained to make decision on the run (literally). Many people crumble when they lose their job or a relationship ends, because they have come to believe nothing will change – but change is inevitable, and life is tough. She uses a quote from a Mike Tyson pre-match interview to illustrate; Tyson was asked if he was worried about his opponent’s training regime, to which Tyson replied: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” (261)

As Ms Poumpouras says, you can plan, prep, lay everything out perfectly… then whack – life will check you.

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness is a bit like a punch in the face – nothing prepares you for how quickly ‘normal life’ can fall apart and routines crack and turn to rubble.

So…

Lots to think about.

Stay out of trouble.

Stay strong.

and…

Take care taking care of yourself and others, Linda xox

*

PS – Here’s an 18min TED talk by Ms Poumpouras about how to succeed even if you don’t feel overly successful (or healthy):

[Video source: How to Succeed Without Confidence, Motivation, or Healing | Evy Poumpouras | TEDxAthens]

PPS- BBC Maestro channel also has several short videos (most are under 2 minutes long) where she covers more of her themes in snack-sized portions (if the link doesn’t take you to her, type in “Evy” into the search field): BBC Maestro – YouTube

PPPS – for a complete reversal of the energy of this post, here’s one more video on Michelle Greenwell’s series for Migraine Awareness Month: The Peace Whisperer: Finding Peace Within as a Pathway to Migraine Healing… and here’s my interview if you missed it and are curious about metaphors for healing: Migraine Awareness: The Mindful Migraine with Linda. Be well peeps xx