When I look back on the beginning of my holistic healing journey, I realize that I was a bit ‘intense’. Due to my chronic migraines, I had reached such a low place, and needed to make such drastic changes, that I went into ‘bed-bound bootcamp’ mode. The program that I made for myself was relentless in making sure I tried something new morning, noon and night.
As I’ve posted before, I did the Yoga because I was told to, but felt no victory in getting out of bed to lie on the floor. Worse still, the bendy-stretchy women I was trying to emulate were way more flexible than me, and ‘simple’ postures such as ‘downward-dog’ put my head lower than my hips and made me want to vomit. I did it all anyway, but not with a smile in my heart. Not in those early days.
Similarly, when I did the exercises in breathwork (which I now love), I followed the rules. When I did ‘square breathing’, for example, I did as was instructed and took a breath in for 4 counts, held for 4, exhaled for 4, held for 4, then repeated to make a square pattern in my mind over and over. The problem in those early days was that breathing this way didn’t feel natural. As silly as it sounds, I felt like I was ‘suffocating’ on the 4 counts where I had to hold my breath. Moreover, the four counts in didn’t feel long enough to get adequate oxygen in, and the 4 counts out didn’t feel as if I had enough time to empty my lungs properly. If I slowed my counting to get the inhales and exhales right, the feeling of suffocation got worse.
I followed the rules but effectively felt ‘boxed in’.
When I ditched the counting all together and just breathed slowly and intentionally, I felt guilty at being a ‘cheater’ or a ‘quitter’ – but I also felt much more satisfied and energized. In the same way, I started to do only the movements from Tai Chi and Qigong that felt right to me on the day I was doing them. Tomorrow, I might mix them up with different stretches from Yoga, or even spend a whole session lying on my back with my feet flexed in the air, because it feels right at the time.
Looking back, I realize that somewhere along the way I switched from ‘mindfulness’ to ‘mindful-lite’.
On the post where I talk about my migraine story, I mention my first ‘rule’ in healing is to try new things. But my second ‘rule’ is to be kind to yourself and listen to what your body is telling you. Elsewhere, when I wrote about walking, I remember saying that I started to leave the step counter behind because I worried about hitting targets instead of relaxing in the fresh air. Just the other day when I mentioned blogging, I wrote about how I tried not to check the statistics too often as I get nervous about the numbers.
Over and over, I write about setting habits, but holding them ‘lightly’.
The only way that we can heal is to feel safe, nurtured, right, light. For me, I realize, that involves a more intuitive, less strict approach to my ‘program’. It involves setting realistic goals and feeling good about achieving them. Which brings me to ‘inchstones’.
I recently came across the term as an alternative to ‘milestones’, and whilst I’m not a fan of the phrase ‘inch-stones’ (it makes me think about my waistline) I LOVE the idea of celebrating baby steps.
As much as we would like to get well ‘right now’, (even ‘tomorrow’ would be fine), the reality is that it’s going to take longer than that. So, let’s not wait until the day we’re ‘cured’ to celebrate, but congratulate ourselves for all the little steps along the way that we’re taking towards good health.
You’re working so hard to get better and that deserves to be applauded!
If mindfulness seems a bit too overwhelming from your place of chronic pain and fatigue, then opt for a gentler, guilt-free, ‘mindful-lite’ approach… and don’t forget to celebrate your baby steps.
Remember, you are safe, you can do this.
Regards, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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