The Mindful Migraine

For a recent post about Mt Everest, I was looking for an image of mountain climbers from WordPress-Pexels (where I get my blog images from unless they’re my own AI ones). It occurred to me that several of them had a ‘long way to go’ feeling, or else a sense of ‘I’m almost there’. A small number had a ‘look how far I’ve come’ vibe. I looked into the PowerPoint stock photos and discovered a similar thing (I’m super technical in my search locations, I know, I know). Here’s two examples below:

I did a quick look through the PowerPoint files to see if I could find similar images for a stairwell. One where you get a sense that you’re only beginning your journey, and another that gives you a sense that you’re further ahead than you thought possible. There were a few. Here’s a couple more photos of what I mean:

At first I thought that these photos would make an inspirational post – stop and look around people, you’re so much further along your self-help holistic healing journey than you could have ever imagined. Celebrate those baby steps and inchstones and revel in your achievement for a minute, before you keep trekking on your uphill climb.

But then, I realized that’s not always how I feel. Yes, I think of the meditation guru Jon Kabat-Zinn and his mountain meditation (where transient feelings float like clouds across your solid-mountain-self), and also his phrase where he says something like “If you’re here now, listening to my voice, then there’s more right than wrong with you”. I also know that I recently posted about skiing and migraines, and referred to the hills we have to get up in our chronic health battles… it’s an accessible metaphor – it makes sense.

The problem is, if I think of myself as a mountaineer, the lazy-bum part of my geeky personality gets snarky. Sure, I went (almost all the way) to Annapurna Base Camp in Nepal (darn you tonsilitis), but I was 19 years old back then with a clear head and good knees. Now I’m in my 50s with chronic migraine and climbing the stairs to my bedroom is sometimes enough to get me heavy-breathing and limping.

Worse, if I think of my health as a mountain to climb, I can’t help but think of the Greek legend of Sisyphus – he who was punished for boasting about being as bright as Zeus, and for being a bad host. His punishment? To roll a giant boulder up a hill, but each time he reached the peak, or stopped to rest, it would roll back to the bottom and he’d have to start all over again.

I think maybe I was wrong to use the mountain metaphor. A hill is a cruel obstacle, a treacherous foe, subject to foul weather and bad knees. It also implies that healing is predominantly linear… when experience suggests that it rarely is.

Perhaps a better analogy to healing is a tidal one.

When you stand on the shoreline, it is not so obvious whether the tide is going in or out. But it is. Wait there long enough and the liminal edge where sand-and-sea merge will shape shift – slowly – until water becomes land, or land becomes water. Your health is a bit like that blurry edge; sometimes solid, sometimes soft, always changing.

So tomorrow, when you’re feeling ‘under the weather’ or ‘on top of the world’ remember that it’s part of a bigger trend of continual improvement.

If you’re working at getting better – then you are getting better.

As the saying goes; “you can’t control the waves, but you can learn how to surf”.

Take care friends and ride those waves (just mind your knees),

Linda x

PS – I recently discovered that July is international Disability Pride Month. It provides a chance to not just acknowledge people with disabilities (including the invisible ones like chronic migraine), but to take a moment to celebrate the notion that disability is not about weakness but strength. So, this is a quick shout out to all of you living with (dis)ability – I see you! xx

PPS – If you’re interested in joining me for a zoom-hello, the dates are Saturday 9pm (Sydney time) on the 20th of July & Sunday 9am (Sydney time) on the 21st of July, and the zoom meeting address is:

Meeting ID: 771 515 8379

I asked there to be no password – but it’s saying the code is “Lind@”

Meeting 1 link: https://us05web.zoom.us/j/7715158379?pwd=c9ko71j136vV35PQNDB7sQgJHnv7JN.1&omn=89779762279

Meeting 2 link: https://us05web.zoom.us/j/7715158379?pwd=c9ko71j136vV35PQNDB7sQgJHnv7JN.1&omn=81923346788

Hope to see you there. xx