The Mindful Migraine

Not long ago I wrote about the idea of a ‘migraine warrior’.  I noted that whilst I understood the motivational intent of the language, I also said that it didn’t always resonate with me, because it is exhausting to always be at war with your pain.  Today I want to go a step further and suggest that the problem I have with the concept goes potentially deeper. 

I’m going to be controversial and say that when we talk about how we ‘wage war’ against our migraine ‘attacks’, ‘battle’ our symptoms, and feel ‘defeated’ when we don’t see a ‘victory’, we are adopting a form of language which is decidedly masculine.  I’m not saying that women can’t fight in wars – they do.  I’m also not suggesting all men are rage-machines – they’re not.  What I am saying is that deep down on a subconscious level, warfare has traditionally been a male-dominated realm.  I am suggesting that when we use this potentially male-dominated language, many of us, not necessarily just women, feel at odds with our more authentic selves.  There are many brave and strong people for whom the fight-or-flight impulse sees them step up and take action.  For many others, however, we would possibly freeze if we found ourselves anywhere near the frontline.

If we use language or terminology that does not fit us, suit us, or by extension, can’t be worn like a comfortable coat, then there is an element of charade about what comes next.  At best, we become bad actors in a cheap pantomime.  Worse, we risk becoming a ventriloquist’s puppet masquerading as a real person.  It’s going to be very hard to convince ourselves or others that we can heal when we’re only miming our best intentions, not really feeling them in our bones. 

The trick is to find a different metaphor for healing from which we can choose our narrative and words.

My suggestion is to think of an activity that makes you happy and make a list of associated words that come to mind.  Then, with those words, make a list of new terminology you can practice drawing from.

Take for example, the word ‘drawing’ – perhaps you’re an artist.  Your new phrases could refer to creating, crafting, or designing a new, healthier future for yourself.  When you’re in the aftermath of a migraine, explain to others how your brain-fog makes you feel like an unfinished watercolor.  Sense a panic attack coming on?  Tell people your overloaded brain is becoming as frantic as Jackson Pollock’s splatter-paint “Blue Poles”.

Maybe cooking is something you enjoy.  Then start thinking about what your recipe for success might look like.  What ingredients could you add or subtract from your lifestyle that would help you whip up the yummiest life for yourself?  On bad days recognize that not all meals go to plan, sometimes your souffle is going to flop.  Never mind, there’s always tomorrow when you can try again with a new combination of ingredients and a new temperature setting.

If singing and dancing makes you smile, then use the language of Broadway, and ignite a fire inside yourself that’s going to help you shine, radiate, glitter and glow.  Take a bow when you have a good day, and bow out gracefully on a bad day… go get that beauty sleep that will help you take a spin in the spotlight tomorrow.

For some of you it could be sport that makes you happy, or it used to and you miss it.  Well then, let’s swing into action and try to score some goals.  Let’s create a team of people to play on our side and find a kick-@$$ doctor to give you some guidance.  Keep score of your wins, no matter how small, and find others to cheer you on.

My favorite set of word choices (at the moment) comes from the garden.  I’m no green thumb, but I see a lot of synergies with gardening and healing.  I think that we can plant the seed of hope and watch it sprout.  We can grow, flourish and be nourished.  We can nurture ourselves (and possibly even overdo it with over-nurturing).  The aim is to simultaneously acknowledge our roots, while we keep branching out, keep reaching for more space, more freedom, more sunshiney-joy.

If warrior-words work for you – stick to them.  I recently watched the second “Avatar” movie (over three sittings!), and I felt a rush of admiration for all the warrior-women who were prepared to risk their lives to save their families and the land they loved. 

If the words inspire – they stay… if they don’t motivate you to act – switch, swap, swoosh them out.

Now it’s over to you:

Your brain – your pain – your journey – your language of choice.

Take care my little seedlings, Linda x