The super-famous motivational speaker Tony Robbins (or Anthony Robbins as I knew him from when I was younger) has always left me feeling conflicted. He has so many good ideas, but there is something about his high-octane way of delivering those ideas that makes me feel tired and lazy. I’m not. Or at least, I have a busy mind in a sedate body. Still, I always feel as if I should be cartwheeling around the room, screaming, “Give me Y – give me an E – give me a S!” after he finishes making a point, when really I prefer to marinate in his advice, let it slowly infuse into my mind, percolate in such a way that what I like rises to the surface, and what I’m not keen on melts away…
Recently, I saw two of his YouTube videos (via LinkedIn so I can’t find the link to put here – sorry). The first one was slightly horrifying, the second one had me ALMOST cartwheeling as I saw the truth of it.
Let’s start with the one that annoyed me.
In this video Tony spoke of how he only allows himself 30 seconds (or maybe it was 15) to feel negative thoughts, then he pushes them aside and keeps going. It wasn’t really “feel the fear and do it anyway”, it was more, “fear is for losers and is not allowed”. He said, for example, that when he has a concern, or self-doubt, or sure, a fear, about something, he lets himself feel that emotion, really feel it, for 30 seconds then moves on.
I GET the idea of not holding onto negative thoughts – they don’t serve you well in most cases – “woe is me” or “it isn’t fair” rarely changes anything and tends to just start a downward spiral that gets pretty dark, pretty quickly. I think, however, there’s two objections that come to mind with the ‘feel-then-ignore’ approach to negative thoughts. The first is that some negative thoughts are designed to save you – “ugh, I’m not sure jumping from this height is a good idea… (15 seconds later)… ahhhhhhh…”. The second objection relates to stored trauma. “This situation makes me feel uneasy – too bad, too sad – let’s go” is not going to address whatever the underlying issue was that raised that sense of unease. Surely it can’t hurt to wonder “what is it about this moment that makes me feel this way?” and then journalling your enquiry, or talk to a therapist or counsellor about it. That way, the niggling-negativity might be resolved, and you might be able to genuinely move on and be happy.
This first video left me feeling devalued, as if by talking about my chronic pain made me nothing but a Negative Nelly who would probably set Tony’s teeth on edge (which is ironic, because that’s how I was feeling listening to him dismiss my genuine physical and mental health concerns).
The second video, on the other hand, was different.
In the second video, I found myself nodding rather than sighing. Tony asked the question, “why do so many people go out and buy a fancy car, then a couple of days later, crash it into a pole… even when the pole’s the only thing for miles around?” He spoke of how, when you come around the corner too fast, you realize that you’re in trouble, so your mind screams “don’t hit the pole, don’t hit the pole, don’t hit the pole!” Your eyes, your brain, perhaps every cell in your body is focused on the pole… no surprises then – you hit the pole.
Instead, Tony says, you should be thinking “stay on the road, stay on the road, stay on the road!” In this way, your eyes turn to the road, your hands turn towards the road, your steering wheel turns, your car turns, and you, hopefully, turn towards the road and avoid the pole and stay on the road.
Where your mind goes, you go.
I felt a lot of resonance with this idea. When I was very sick, about a year ago, in bed with migraine, day after day after day, I started each morning with the same first-thought: “please don’t be there pain, please don’t be there pain, please don’t be there pain!” and low and behold – the pain was there.
When I switched (even before Tony’s advice) to the notion of concentrating on increasing joy rather than decreasing pain, I started each morning by opening the curtains at dawn and looking for one good thing to be grateful for (the sky looks clear of rainclouds – or – the houses look so clean in the rain). I even invented a little “today’s going to be a good day” song that I sang to myself on repeat, like a mantra or affirmation, as I went about my morning tasks. Now, the pain was still there, but it was no longer having a ‘main character moment’, it was not the stand-out-car-crash-obstacle it had been for so long before hand.
Today’s ‘lesson’ is that when it comes to advice, you can take it or leave it (as I’ve written about before (here)) – and a reminder that a little bit of negativity is normal, whilst a little bit of positivity goes a long way.
Take care taking care, Linda x
PS – Here’s Tony’s website and some free tools (but note that he almost always asks for your email address (including at the conclusion of taking a quiz so you can see the results)): Get Free Tony Robbins Personal Development Tools & Resources
PPS – because I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyway – here’s a sound recording of me whisper-singing my homemade song of positivity – feel free to borrow it, or roll around on the floor laughing; either way, my job is done!
The Mindful Migraine 
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