A gazillion years ago, I remember reading a quote from the Dalai Lama that said something like “smile with your face and your heart will follow”. It seemed a small thing, but during my healing journey I have come to realize that it has powerful implications.
Your pain-brain is always looking for signals to decide whether it should be in fight-or-flight mode or a rest-and-digest mood. If it catches you smiling (even if it’s a fakey), chances are it will stand down. If, on the other hand, it catches you with pug-puppy-face, then it’s going to assume the frowny-scowl means there’s something to worry about. Your pain-brain is going to start shuffling towards the migraine-attack-front-line, getting ready to take action – which inevitably means releasing a chain reaction of woe throughout your body.
If the Dalai Lama is not authority enough, then what about taking the advice from my kid’s learn to swim teacher? When my firstborn daughter was about 6 (or 9) months old, we enrolled her in swim school. If you live on the coast, as we do, then beaches are a big part of your life, and knowing how to swim is a must. These early learn to swim classes were about having fun in the water whilst sneakily teaching basic survival techniques. One of these ‘fun’ techniques is going under water without panicking.
After spending the majority of the lesson bobbing around and splashing and kicking and chasing after plastic toys, the teacher takes each child one by one and says, “I’m going to deliberately dunk her under the water then swish her through the water, bringing her back up right in front of you, and then you take her and congratulate her.” There must have been a look of horror on my face, because the teacher said, “you have to relax – look happy – SMILE – so that when she goes under and more importantly, when she comes back out, you’re laughing and happy – she’s looking to you for guidance – if you act like this is completely normal and safe, she’ll believe you and think that this is completely normal and safe.”
I vaguely remember nodding my head, and holding my breath in fear as my first-born-baby was deliberately dunked, and then I remember doing the most exaggerated woo-hoo-smile for her when she popped back out coughing and spluttering, grabbing onto my arms for dear life while shooting baby-daggers at the teacher who had tried to drown her. The teacher, meanwhile, was clapping, high-fiving my baby, tickling her under the chin and showering her with a waterfall of positive praise. I vaguely remember trying to return my own breathing to normal (it was as if I had been the one who had been drowning in that eternal two-and-a-half seconds).
We did this maneuver over and over for the next few weeks; dunk-n-smile, woo-hoo the achievement, until the smiles weren’t fake or forced at all. Baby loved it and so did we. Repetition bred confidence, and today my baby-girl is somersaulting her heart out underwater in swimming pools and the ocean.
No matter how old we are, our brain is always looking for encouragement and positive reinforcement. Help it out. Even if you feel like today’s one of those days you’re overwhelmed and ‘drowning’, smile so that your head and heart follow suit. Fake it ‘til you make it. One day, you too will be woo-hoo-ing your healing achievements.
Take care and keep smiling, Linda x
The Mindful Migraine 
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