I’ve been working part-time on my PhD for a little over 4 years now… and for more than half of that, I’ve had a migraine. It’s a little bit shocking to realize just how much of my study was undertaken in pain. But as I inch my way closer to completion (hopefully sometime next year), I thought I’d write a quick post to let you know that big dreams are still possible, even after a chronic migraine diagnosis.
Quick back story: I graduated from high school a looooong time ago in 1988. After a couple of months of Summer holidays, I went to university to study architecture. It takes 6 years, and when you come out, you still can’t call yourself an architect (you have to study some more and sit a registration exam (which I did)). After a year working, I decided I missed academia, so I went back and did 3 more years of studying at nighttime to get my Masters, while working by day. Upon completion, the university suggested I move onto studying for a PhD, but I was starting to get some ‘real’ work and make some ‘real’ money by this stage, so I said, “I’ll come back later”.
Fast forward 10-12ish years, to when I’m in my late 30s and my first baby girl is little, and sleeps a lot, and I feel like I have time on my hands. I go back to my old university teachers and start up a conversation about a PhD… only to find out I’m (happily) pregnant again, and the idea of study suddenly seems too hard… so I say to them, “I’ll come back later”.
Fast forward another 10-12ish years, it’s now late 2019 and I think to myself, the kids are bigger now and can get themselves to school and back, and they don’t need me so much, and my migraines only happen a few times a year so who cares about that. I submit my paperwork, get accepted and start preparing to study in the new year. I’m excited about getting back on campus, meeting new people, challenging myself intellectually…
Only there’s an international outbreak of some highly contagious, previously unheard of, disease which creates panic… borders close, planes are grounded, people are told to stay home in lockdown, children are required to be home-schooled for several months, universities go online, research funding dries up, employment opportunities evaporate…
Sigh.
I think I managed a couple of on-campus visits with my supervisors and then it was all online while trying to balance the kids’ schooling, and all of us living at home in each other’s pockets 24/7.
Looking back, I think the stress of it all is part of what tipped my migraines from occasional, to regular, to chronic… not so much the PhD itself (I love study!), but the PhD + homeschooling + housework + staying out of harm’s way + helping my husband’s business + + + + + +
The point is – I kept going with my PhD. Even when the pain started to get really bad, and I was in bed most days with a migraine attack, I kept going. I was required to do 20 hours a week, and 20 hours a week I did.
How?
Slowly…
Week by week, day by day, hour by hour, page by page, word by word.
If I split the required 20 hours over the 7 days of the week then I needed to aim for 3 hours a day.
I would get up early in the morning to do an hour when the house was quiet… or stay up late when people were getting ready for bed… or work on Saturday when everyone was at Soccer… on Sunday when everyone was taking a well earnt break…
I would do an hour of reading and then sleep… or sleep and then do an hour of reading… on bad days I might get zero hours done, but on good days, I’d aim for 4 or 5 hours spread out across the day… resting in between…
Word by word, page by page, day by day, hour by hour, week by week.
It’s like that horrible joke:
How do you eat an elephant?
One mouthful at a time.
A PhD is a BIG commitment… but it is MY commitment… and I want to get it done… so I keep studying… (you guessed it); week by week, hour by hour, day by day, page by page, word by word.
I wish I could give you a secret shortcut or a golden key that unlocks the way forward for YOUR big endeavor… but the reality is, there rarely is one. You just gotta keep going, one foot in front of the other, step by step… until you reach the almost-finish-line and you look back and… WOW… even if it didn’t feel like it at the time, you really can cover some distance!
Here’s hoping that if you choose to tackle a big project the migraine-pain-gods let you go through easy… but if they don’t – keep going; day by day, hour by hour, step by step, mouthful by mouthful…
Take care taking care, Linda xox
The Mindful Migraine 
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