This blog post is a very high-level discussion about how people respond to trauma and is hopefully not upsetting in any way, but it IS about stressors, so you may want to give it a miss.
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For a long time when I was growing up, I had heard about the idea that humans exhibited a ‘fight or flight’ response to danger. Humans, like many animals, when they find themselves face to face with a danger, either run away as fast as they can, or they stand up and fight – usually in that order. In the literal blink of an eye, the brain weighs up the risk and says, “yukky-snake… let’s get out of here” or “lion-fast… can’t outrun… grab your spear, a rock or a flaming stick from the fire and get ready to jab, toss, stab…”
Much later, I heard that ‘freeze’ was also a response tactic. Which makes sense… everyone has heard of the idea of “a deer in the headlights”, where a creature, seemingly inexplicably, stands still in the face of danger, apparently hoping that if it is still enough it might miraculous become invisible…
Much, much later, I discovered that there was apparently a fourth response to traumatic situations called ‘fawn’. This is when people (although I would suggest some dogs do this) appear to cosy-up to their nemesis. I recently watched the frightening movie “Woman of the Hour” (2023), and without giving too much away, there is a scene that shows this seemingly illogical response in action: survive – whatever way you can.
I found a great infographic that explains the 4 responses, AND the ways in which they are often misrepresented or mis-labeled when they are revealed in more regular, day-to-day stressful situations. Someone who is typically a ‘fighter’, for example, might be seen to be an explosive bully or others assume them to be an entitled narcissist. Someone who’s a ‘flighty-runner’, is often seen as moody or overly anxious, and so on:
[Image source: The 4Fs: A Trauma Typology in Complex PTSD By Pete Walker – TRE® Scotland]
The page that the infographic comes from then explains the personality traits that lend themselves to the four F responses.
I’m a flyer more often than not: always on the go, micro-manager, perfectionist, slightly obsessive; “Flight types appear as if their starter button is stuck in the ‘on’ position.”
But I’d also say that since I’ve been sick with regular migraines, I’ve started to fall into the freezer… retreat, isolate, hide; “This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the ‘off’ position.”
Full-on or not-on, I suppose…
Or full-on until my nervous system says it’s too exhausted to stay on…
But it’s still not that simple. I suspect that in some situations, fawning is my go-to answer to the situation; I become a people-pleaser, a conflict-avoider, a fitter-inner. On another website (MindBodyGreen) the author writes: “It seems good to be well liked and defer to others to secure safety, but not when it’s at the cost of losing yourself.”
They then go on to write, “I know I’m encountering a fawn response when someone tells me what I’d like to hear and when I ask how they’re feeling, they respond ‘I’m OK, how are you?’” [I’m an absolute shocker at answering “how are you?” with “fine thanks, YOU?” Which is darn silly given I live with 24-7 pain… why can’t I reply, “actually – I’m struggling”?]
I suspect that we are all likely to be ‘hybrids’ in our responses… perhaps past situations conditioned us to respond in different ways… I suspect I have one ingrained response for family scenarios, another for bad-bosses, and another for a stranger approaching me on a dark street…
I’ve written before that I think pain + fear = chronic pain. If you can figure out how you respond to fearful situations, then perhaps you can get some insight into how you are responding to your pain, or the triggers of your pain.
Just knowing that I might be able to reframe how I reply to “how are you?” is a potential life lesson I can use moving forward, for example.
This post represents only the tip of a very big iceberg, but I think the subject might be something worth exploring if you’re up to it…
Take care, carefully, Linda xx
[PS – Disclaimer – remember I’m not a doctor or therapist, I only write about what I’m reading… please be sure to talk to a trained healthcare professional if you need specific help managing your wellbeing.]
The Mindful Migraine 
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