The Mindful Migraine

A while ago I mentioned in passing that I had been the carry-over champion of a game show.  This is that story… and apologies in advance; it isn’t going to do anything for your chronic pain – other than make you laugh – it’s just a strange little glimpse into the marginalia of my life… alongside Tarot Cards and strange dreams.

Decades ago, when I was in my early 20s, I lived in a share-house in the middle of Sydney, close to the university where I was studying architecture.  After university finished, I stayed in the house for a while longer.  Flatmates came and went, but I stayed put, until I built up the courage to move into my own place.

One of the other ‘stayers’ was a friend who was several years older than me, but was also studying architecture.  Our friendship waxed and waned with the moon, besties one moment, standoffish the next.  It wasn’t good or bad, it was just the way it was. 

And then one day a letter arrived in the mail, addressed to me.  I opened it, and to my astonishment, it told me that my application had been successful, and I had been selected to go to the audition round of The Wheel of Fortune.  I loved this show, but how did they get my details, and what application were they talking about?

You guessed it – my flatmate had submitted my name to the show as a prank!

After much laughing and cursing, and umming and ahhing, I eventually went to the Sydney location where the auditions were held.  First, they wheeled out a whiteboard that replicated the big screen of a half-answered word puzzle.  A room full of people had to fill in the answer sheet to a dozen questions such as “what phrase is this?”:

“The Wi_ _er T_ _es It _ll”

If you guessed “the winner takes it all” and got most of the other tests right, then you went to the next stage. 

The next stage involved having your photo taken and filling out a form that included questions like, “do you have a hobby?”, “what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”, “if you could do anything in the future what would it be?”

I filled out the form without overthinking it: “I can play the flute, I once mixed up the brand names for medicines and accidentally asked the chemist for anti-worming tablets instead of cold-and-flu-meds, and I would love to take a rocket to the moon.” 

At the end of the session, I caught public transport back home and laughed and cursed my friend over dinner for such a strange experience.

And then another letter arrived.

It went something along the lines of: “Congratulations!  Please make your way to the airport on this date, fly to this city (at no cost to me), where you will be met by a limousine which will take you to the studio where the game show will be filmed.  Please bring two outfits in case you are a carry-over champion – choose clothes with no stripes or spots, thank you!”

Suddenly my friend was the one cursing as I laughed and waved good bye…

When I arrived, I was awestruck by all the lights and cameras, but also deflated by how low-budget and tawdry everything seemed.  There was no carousel of prizes, no car spinning on a revolving table… just a big screen of letters, and a small group of audience members who were three weeks’ worth of contestants.  “Applaud!” a sign would say, and we would clap like trained seals.  “Laugh” another sign would say and we would laugh.  As I watched, people would come and go from the audience, have their hair and makeup done and then be shepherded onto the stage in front of the big spinning wheel that would spin their fate…

…and then it was my turn.  When asked how I wanted to wear my hair, I replied “up – so it doesn’t get caught in the wheel” (it was hip-length at this stage).  To my horror, I ended up with a beehive, and before I could say “um… maybe not” I was being ushered towards the stage.

First was the awkward moment when the game show host gave me a lingering pat on the lower back, then came the strangeness of having a chain clicked shut behind us… no going back now!

As I’m thinking about my friends and family laughing at my beehive, the host introduces me: “and welcome Linda, she plays the flute and would love to visit the moon one day” – ugh – what a mortifying way to have your 20+ years on earth summed up… on the up-side, I forgot all about my beehive!

The first challenge appeared on the board – I can’t remember what it was, but I won the round.  Then they ask you what prize you would like to pick, and you glance around again for the gleaming pile of treasure that appears on TV, wondering where the coffee maker has gone.  Staff are madly pointing at a chalkboard (truly!) and you realize that your three options are chalked up there… oh… “pots and pans” you answer in confusion… “pots and pans it is – congratulations!”

Head still spinning, I won the next round, or perhaps the last… either way – I made enough ‘money’ to be that night’s winner.  Everyone else was taken away and the board on the big wheel was swapped over from money to prizes.  I remember staring down and seeing “car” and “holiday” and realizing that my life might be about to change.  Then the puzzle is put up: “a book and a movie” – and without a word of a lie, the answer flashed in front of my mind. 

I opened my mouth to speak and was frantically hushed – you pick letters first and then spin the wheel to see what you COULD win, and then you answer the riddle.  “I have won,” I thought to myself as I picked three consonants and a vowel: “T K L” and “O” – the audience gasped… RST’s and E’s were the norm – NO ONE is mad enough to pick a K?!  They all did a collective groan when the first few letters were revealed, and the rest of the puzzle was left almost completely blank… poor Linda they were thinking.

As the wheel spun around it slowed down as it approached “Encyclopedia Britanica” (I am THAT old), but then flipped over in slow motion to “Vergola”… I wondered what on earth that was… and stopped caring when the host told me it was worth something like $10,000… wow!

“Do you know the answer, Linda?”

“Yes – it’s ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’!”

HOORAY – you win a Vergola – it’s not a veranda or a pergola – it’s both!!

But – before I had a chance to get excited or ask questions about how do you offload a veranda-pergola since I don’t own a home, the chain behind me was being unlocked and I was told to run, not walk, and get changed so they could film the show for the next ‘night’.  This time, I didn’t care less about my hair – I was becoming greedy… thinking about how I could make a year’s wages in a day if I could just keep up my winning streak.

Naturally, The Wheel of Fortune is a wheel – what goes up must come down.

For a short time in the new game, fate was still dealing me victory, and then I was faced with the chance to win it all – “what is this type of apparel?”:

“S _ _ _   Sh_ _s”

I flunked.  I stared at those letters right up until they hassled me for an answer, and all I could think was “silk shoes” and then, womp-womp, it went to the person on my right who confidently replied “sand shoes” and was awarded victory. (They’re Australia’s answer to “sneakers” if you’re wondering, but it’s not a term everyone uses… including me!)

By the time I got back to Sydney the whole event felt like a fever dream… I gave my friend the complimentary box of chocolates, I gave my parents the pots and pans, and left the board game on the family-game-shelf (where it remained for 20+ years (played occasionally))… and I sold the veranda-pergola to my uncle for half-price because he had been on the verge of buying just such a thing… he was ecstatic and so was I…

The only person who was not so thrilled about the fact that I was going overseas with my new cash was… yep… the flat-mate.  Oh, he made sure to tell everyone at university which night of the week I’d be on, and laughed good and hard about my moon-bound-beehive… until I flew overseas.

In hindsight I do feel a bit bad… but it’s like all those awkward moments when you buy someone a lottery ticket – it was a gift for THEM – I don’t think you can come back later and claim some of the prize money if they win… but I do get the temptation of asking… and I STILL feel a bit bad!

Anyway – the show is on a video cassette next to the one from my wedding… pity I don’t have a machine to play it in… perhaps one day I’ll try to have the videos converted into a DVD and I’ll post a still shot of my 15 minutes of fame…

Until then, keep smiling, and may the wheel of fortune be kind to you.

Take care taking care, Linda xx

PS – it was VERY heartening to hear that I wasn’t the only one to draw a blank (as it were) on solving a puzzle that seems obvious to everyone else. I found an article on People.com (here) about someone going viral for getting a “Christmassy” wheel of fortune puzzle wrong. Here’s the picture of the screen – can YOU guess it?:

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I spent several long seconds trying to push “Chinese (food)” into the boxes, then wondered briefly about “chickens” (because maybe not everyone can afford a turkey dinner!) Turns out the correct answer is: “CHIMNEYS”. Yay you if you got it! Keep spinning peeps, xox