The Mindful Migraine

The other day I was waiting to pick up my daughter from a nighttime school event. It was running late, and I was getting a bit huffy and puffy about having to sit around and wait. It wasn’t that I had to be anywhere else, more that I just didn’t really want to be sitting in a cold car on a Winter night instead of eating dinner or having a cup of tea in front of the TV.

I often utilize these sorts of moments to listen to a meditation or a podcast, even some gentle music so I can close my eyes and drift off. Instead, I opened Instagram to get a quick fix of random, mindless, color. I’ve mentioned before (here) that I don’t love social media, but every now and then it performs a fun-function and acts as a momentary distraction (provided you have the willpower to put it down again and not keep scrolling… scrolling…).

As is so often the case in my life – the universe didn’t send me the usual reels of kids pranking their parents, dogs making funny faces or artisans making brightly colored soaps (who knew the world needed so much custom soap!). Instead, it gave me the link to 3 short videos about somatic healing. I made it through one and half of them, then my daughter arrived, scaring the sh!t out of me (sorry Mom) as she tapped against the dark glass of my window.

When I went back to listen to the rest of the videos – they. were. g.o.n.e.

SIGH.

So, whilst I can’t send you in the right direction, or even give proper credit where credit is due, one of the things that I do remember felt important enough to write about.

Before I do – trauma and references to traumatic events are referred to in this post – so feel free to give it a miss if you’re not feeling up to it – protect your boundaries, and take care of yourself, and we’ll meet again soon, Linda xx

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

The first video spoke about the difference between BIG trauma and “everyday” trauma. We all intuitively understand big trauma, the sorts of terrible, life-changing events that would affect everyone everywhere, regardless of their age or gender or country of birth. War, natural disasters, and other catastrophic events are all front of mind when we think of trauma.

The video, however, noted that there was a second sort of traumatic events – what they labelled “everyday traumas”. The commentator ran through a list of examples, but before he did, he suggested that as they were read out, you listen to how your mind and body respond to the words in order to see which ones might be affecting your health. They do this not to be cruel or pick at old scabs, but because, as the video noted, if you can recognize your sore points you can start to address the tension that might be trapped in your body from these everyday traumas that you might not have realized was affecting you. Perhaps you thought that the issue was minor enough to be forgotten, but your body has held onto the stress-memory regardless.

[I’ve written before (here) about the idea that a trauma is akin to you holding your breath when something bad happens, but you never fully release that tension out of your body when it is over – it is as if you have kept holding your breath forever… and perhaps it’s time to breathe out again and expel that stale air.]

In a similar way, I’m going to write a list of examples (in no particular order). Some of the items might not seem like a big deal – to YOU – but for others, they can seem like a nightmare scenario. The point is to find out your potential stressors. As you read the list slowly, see which ones give you a shiver, bring up bad memories, or cause you to catch and hold your breath. Perhaps there’s a common thread to the items that are problematic. Perhaps none of them will resonate in any way at all. Since I no longer have access to the video list, I’m going to use examples I remember from the video and other suggestions that I have found online.

If you’re feeling nervous about reading a list of potential triggers, then the fear factor might be one of your stressors. So, again, look after yourself; if you’re not up to reading through the list, sign off and we’ll cross digital paths another day. L xx

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Read the list slowly and make note of which ones stir up trouble for you:

• Being involved in a fender-bender / minor car accident.
• Having a big fight with your lover.
• Undergoing dental surgery.
• Your online account is hacked.
• Receiving bad news from a close friend.
• You start a new job / change school.
• Being put under anesthetic.
• You take out a new mortgage.
• Falling over in public.
• Being made redundant at work.
• Your best friend moves away.
• Receiving negative feedback from a family member.
• Witnessing a crime.
• You get lost in a foreign country.
• Evacuating a building during an alarm.
• Being stood up.
• A stranger seems to be following you.
• Your lease is terminated and you need to relocate.
• You find out your partner has spent more money than you can afford.
• Your boss yells at you.
• You return home to find you have been robbed.
• Someone important to you forgets your birthday.
• Your wallet, phone or credit card is lost.

Each of these is an example of situational stress – that is, you get stressed in the moment.

HOWEVER – not everyone recovers from that stress straight away. For some of us, that stress can turn into distress – emotional, mental, physical. Sometimes we get nightmares after the event, or become hyper-vigilant to avoid similar events from happening again, or retreat altogether from society for a while. Perhaps the tension manifests itself through stomach aches, neck or back pain, tension headaches or teeth grinding. Some of us hold onto everyday traumas in ways we might not even be aware of.

I’ll give you a couple of personal examples without getting too personal.

When I broke three teeth during the worst migraine I ever had (here) – the first crown that was installed was an extremely traumatic 3+ hour event for me. I hated every minute of it and went home and became very sick with another migraine. When I went back soon after for the second crown to be installed, I told the dentist how upsetting it had been. I couldn’t articulate the details, I only knew that I hated feeling trapped in the chair, being forced to sit very still while my gag reflex was constantly being triggered, worried that I might throw up on myself, upset that I was slowing everything down to a snail’s pace, guilty that I had somehow done this to myself, appalled by the sounds that were coming from the dentist’s machines and the spit that was flying everywhere and mixing with my own frustrated tears…

So, I decided to take control of the situation (as much as I could). I asked if every 40-50 minutes of the 3-hour procedure, could I please get out of the chair, walk into the adjacent staff bathroom, and just have a moment of privacy to pull myself together and take a deep breath or have a quick cry to release the rising anxiety and sense of overwhelm. The dentist kindly agreed, and the procedure went much more smoothly and was over in a much shorter time.

The third crown went even faster, and to be honest, I was feeling the pain in my bank account by now more than my mouth!

On another occasion, years ago, I was going into hospital to have a minor surgical procedure, and as the anesthetist came towards me, I began to weep as I remembered an earlier medical procedure (done without anesthetic when I was much younger). Until that moment I hadn’t realized how much the dread from that day had stayed with me on some deep level. The doctors and nurses were all very supportive and helped me through the situation, and I now knew I had a phobia I wasn’t previously aware of.

If all of this feels unnecessarily triggering – it might be – I’m sorry.

But the better I get at identifying traumas of the “everyday” type, addressing them, and then laying them down, the better my health has become.

Instead of my pain-brain leveraging off the stress of the past or fear of the future, my nervous system is able to stay in the “rest and digest” realm and away from the “fight or flight” mode it had been trapped in for the last couple of years.

To be clear, I live a very charmed life – #blessed (times infinity). But even I have everyday stressors that can be triggering. I don’t doubt that many of them are simply a normal, albeit unfortunate part of life, nonetheless, if I can’t eliminate them, then I can at least try to increase my general resilience so that I can better manage my response to them.

Perhaps it’s time for you to go back through your everyday stresses and identify which ones might leave a shadow across your psyche. Perhaps it’s time to journal your way out from that shadow, or seek professional help so someone can help you do it.

Take care taking care, truly, deeply, Linda x

PS – I found it! After giving up on trying to locate the original video series, I stumbled across it: Sounds True – the author is Peter A. Levine and the videos are a free introduction to a paid course – as such, please note this is not a product endorsement, only a link to the free guide (at least it was at the time of publishing!)