No doubt you’ve heard of FOMO – the Fear Of Missing Out. We all get jealous of what other people get up to from time to time; we see other people going to exotic locations on the television and wish we had the time / money / energy to go there too… we overhear people talking in the shopping line about a restaurant that just opened up and how wonderful the food was (and how long the reservation wait-list is)… we talk to a friend and find out there was a party last week that somehow we didn’t get invited to, and boy did they all have a great time…!
FOMO is a sensation that leans into those jealousies. It means that next time we are invited to a party with friends – that just so happens to coincide with another appointment – we’re going to feel a pang of deep anxiety that boils down to:
“I don’t want to miss out on anything!!!”
Which event do I go to? And what if I choose the wrong one, and they’re having more fun at the other place? What life-enhancing benefits will everyone else get that will leave me at a sad and lonely disadvantage?
When I was younger, FOMO existed, but I don’t remember it being a big thing. There was no social media to remind you that everyone else was supposedly living a more glamorous life than you, just the occasional revelation that your buddy got invited to a friend-of-a-friend’s house and met some really cool boys…
Now, FOMO seems like a full-time job for many people I know. Shame is never my game, so I’ll tread carefully, but there are people in my orbit who refer to themselves with very unflattering terms because they perceive themselves to be so much worse off than others… so much LESS than others. Without being mean, the revelation doesn’t seem to spur them into action to improve their lot or ask for help, it simply becomes a source of resentment or depression.
When I was at my sickest and in bed with migraines most days, (for several months on end), FOMO was my constant companion.
I was a perpetual ummer-and-ahher, plan-canceller, and woulda-coulda-shoulda-but-didn’t kind of person. I simply couldn’t get to places I wanted to go (like my daughter’s graduation photos or her grand final soccer match). Lying there in the dark, curled up in a ball in bed made me SO sad. Sometimes I tried to get up and push through the pain, but more often than not, I just sipped ginger beer to quell my nausea and cried salty FOMO tears into my pillow.
I know I’m not alone.
When I was recently visiting the SurlyCakes blog, I came across her perfect description of The Art of Canceling Plans: “I’ve become so skilled at the art of the cancellation that I could teach a masterclass, if only I could guarantee I wouldn’t have to cancel the class itself.” She then goes on to explain a handful of different reasons chronically ill people cancel, including weather changes, treatment hangovers, cascading decline, waking up on the morning-of and realizing it’s just not meant to be…
After including an extremely relatable flow-chart of “should I cancel?” with options that (all) lead to “smash that cancel button” she ends her post with this great advice: “Sometimes the most social thing you can do is admit when you need to stay home. It’s not giving up on life, it’s being realistic about what your body needs so you can participate in life more fully when you’re able.”
So – if we’re all in agreement that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up with guilt if we’re too sick to leave the house – what can we do about minimizing FOMO?
According to VeryWellMind.com’s post What Does FOMO Mean and How Do I Deal With It? there are a few things you can do to reduce FOMO:
- Change your focus (concentrate on what you DO have not what you don’t)
- Take a digital detox (and stop making comparisons with other people’s lives)
- Keep a journal (where you record the best things happening in your life)
- Seek out real connections (with real people [or pets] – [I’m here if you need me!])
- Practice gratitude (it’s harder to be jealous when you’re being grateful)
All great advice.
But I have one other idea for you to try: JOMO.
JOMO is the Joy Of Missing Out.
As ClevelandClinic.org puts it: “Think of JOMO as FOMO’s chill distant cousin. It’s the ability to focus on doing what truly makes you happy. That doesn’t mean you sit home alone with no social life. It means you’re selective with what you do without worrying about what others are doing.”
Now, “smash that cancel button” should prompt no guilt, and instead, be part of your self-care, self-awareness, routine.
Quality over quantity becomes important: “Instead of signing up for everything, you really focus on the activities or relationships that are very meaningful to you.”
As a chronic introvert with (almost gone) chronic migraine, my version of JOMO was a sigh of relief when soccer training got cancelled and I didn’t have to venture out… or when it rained too hard to walk the dogs so I could stay in bed with a heat-pack on my head… or someone else cancelled an event so (woo-hoo-phew!) I was let off the hook…
But I like the idea of putting a more positive spin on JOMO – making it more intentional, priority-led, and joy-focused rather than mere resultant-relief…
Here’s to JOMO in its most positive manifestation: self-care made mindful!!
Take care taking care everyone, you’ve got this, Linda xx
The Mindful Migraine 
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