The Mindful Migraine

To get into the city of Sydney from where I live, you can drive in, but parking is limited and can cost up to $50 for a couple of hours.  So instead, I catch the train. It takes about the same amount of time (one hour) but costs a fraction of the money, and is more relaxing, because I can read, meditate, or look out the window and eavesdrop, instead of watching the brake-light of the car in front of me.

A while ago, as I was settling down into my train seat, (and ruminating over how everyone’s eyeballs were stuck to their phones), I saw a sticker on the wall in front of me.  At first glance, I assumed it was something official.  It looked a lot like the signs our local Fire Brigade use to tell residents what the risk of a bush fire is on any given day (because as the weather conditions change, so does the risk level). 

When I looked at the sticker a bit closer, however, I realized it was not official – it was a form of vandalism – which is one of my pet hates as I mentioned last post.  As a law-abiding architectural graduate, I can’t stand it when people deface property… but… I’m not gonna lie, this sticker was kinda cool…

[Image source: me]

At first, I assumed the words on the bottom right hand side were the arrow – so the day’s moral panic rating was worse than “catastrophic” and was pointing to “Everlasting Hellfire”… but then I put on my glasses, I realized it wasn’t – there was no arrow – there was no “advice” or “ruling” or “judgement” on what the day’s rating was. It was up to you to decide our collective level of panic. 

And I use the three terms ‘advice’, ‘ruling’, or ‘judgement’ deliberately, because, (and I’m going out on a potentially obnoxious limb here), I think they are part of the problem behind the moral panic that is occurring these days.

If a doctor suggests that the best way to improve your health is to “try cardio” or “lose weight” or “stop drinking so much alcohol” you have a choice on how you hear those words.

You COULD take what the doctor says as advice – the doctor is SUGGESTING what they think is the best way forward based on their years of experience and expertise.  If you hear the words in that way, the chances are you’ll follow their advice and be grateful for their help.

You COULD ALSO hear the words as a form of ruling – the doctor is TELLING you what you MUST DO.  If you hear it that way, then it might sound like you’re being lectured by a bossy headmaster or a mean boss.  This time, you might feel flustered, even resentful at being pushed around, and you may or may not listen. 

You COULD ALSO hear the words as being a judgment – like a ruling, but with the addition of being JUDGED.  Now you’re not just being given a way forward, but you’re being handed a whole load of extra information about you as a person.  On some level, there MIGHT seem to be an assumption that you are lesser or weaker, and ‘need to be fixed’.  Or that you have ‘failed’ in some way to be in the position that you find yourself.  Perhaps you ‘deserve it’.  It might seem like the doctor is being patronizing or condescending… it might result in you not following their words.

“Try cardio” remains the statement – but how you hear it will influence how you respond.

[When my neurologist said those fatal cardio-words, I felt judged and got very angry (read more here). Even when we hubby good-naturedly asks “how’s the head today?” I sometimes feel judged (as I’ve written about here)… language is tricky even when it’s not meant to be!] 

And sure, how people deliver their advice/ruling/judgment makes a difference too.  Depending on whether the doctor has been courteous and kind during the appointment, or preachy and rude, or talked to you like you’re a lazy fool while painsplaining away… you can probably guess which way you’re going to hear their feedback in each instance.

The point is – whether it’s for your personal healthcare situation, or much wider social issues, if we could all stay a little calmer when people offer their feedback that might help. So too if people could keep their delivery towards the “advice” end of the spectrum, then the resultant moral or personal panic is likely to stay at the “low-moderate” end of the scale. 

But of course, that’s not how the world works… at some point, the people in power have to / need to make a “ruling” on what the laws are… so I guess, the best we can hope for is middle-of-the-range…

Heaven help us if “Everlasting Hell” gets too much of a work out… I just can’t see how that helps anyone…

And with that weird aside, aside…

Take care taking care out there, Linda x

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PS – my blog-buddy Edward Ortiz’s site coincidentally just did a book review which has a lot of overlaps with today’s post. The book, called “Think Again” by Adam Grant, proposes four types of thinking-modes we can bring to any given situation: Preachers, Prosecutors, Politicians, and Scientists – each generating a potentially different outcome. It’s a much more sophisticated take on my ramblings above and well worth a read on Edward’s site: edwardortizblog.com: Think Again

PPS – the “you rock” rock is still rockin’ out at the park where I left it a couple of days ago!

PPPS – if you’re in the mood and your head’s not hurting, I have a puzzle for you.  To pass the time on the train, my teenage daughter taught me a game, which true-nerd-me quite likes (assuming my headache is not too bad).  In Australia, each train carriage has a unique number – 24896 or 34562 – or whatever.  The idea is that you figure out how to put all of those numbers into a maths equation which will equal 10.  For example, if the carriage number was 136, then your answer would be 1+3+6=10.  Easy!  If the number was 8852, the equation might be more complicated, such as; (8-8)+(5×2)=10.  I’m not sure if it’s a must that you keep the numbers in order, but you do have to use them all, and only once each.  You then race your friends to see who can make a correct formula first… It took me longer than I like to admit, but I finally got to 10 for both of the carriage numbers noted above (and managed to keep the numbers in order (so bonus points to me!)) – if you’re keen to experiment, here’s those two previous carriage numbers you can try with: 24896 and 34562.

Scroll down for how I did it if you get stuck, or let me know in the comments if there is an easier way to get there!

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(2x4x8)-(9×6)=10

(3+4)-5+(6+2) = 10

Ciao lovelies! xx