Today’s post is a short summary of Dr Sarah Woodhouse’s book, whose sub-title is “take action over your trauma.” The review is short because it is trauma-focused and therefore raises personal issues that are probably best handled offline by yourself, at your own pace, with the help of people close to you. That said, there were some key takeaways from the opening chapter that I think can help everyone.
First up – Disclaimer – I am not a therapist and this blog should not replace traditional mental health advice.
Wake up – then act
Dr Woodhouse’s first chapter is a summary of her own ‘wake-up call’. Whilst living her best life, she decided to have a third child and move to a new country, all while studying for her PhD. Seemingly out of the blue, she was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis – a neurological disorder).
In a way that totally mirrored my own wake-up call (‘re-finding the i in Linda‘) Dr Woodhouse met with a naturopath who put her situation as bluntly as my neurologist did when he said, “more meds doesn’t always equal less pain”. Dr Woodhouse was told (page 36):
You can cange your diet, exercise and take all the meds in the world, but unless you learn to deal with your stress it won’t make any difference.
Dr Woodhouse’s reaction to the advice was again, very similar to mine. She found it extremely painful – but also humbling. She acknowledged she had two choices moving forward; give up and accept life with her illness or trust that she could make positive changes in her life (38).
Importantly, she recognizes that although the decision to improve her situation was prompt, healing her mind, body and sense of self took time. Day by day, with small, almost indetectable micro-changes, she DID improve. As such, the first steps in her journey was to WAKE UP and then ACT (43).
[For a similar revelation in my migraine-mindful-life, see my post about “how to initiate mindful-mode” which takes on a similar theme.]
Remember: none of us is perfect (and nor is life)
Super refreshingly, Dr Woodhouse is crystal clear – whilst she is a trained professional, she is also “deeply, profoundly imperfect. I fail at something every day. I cannot multi-task, I’m frequently socially awkward, I’m always learning… and I have a thriving, purpose-led career. […] I believe that the more I show you just how very human and flawed I am, the better. […] This book is an invitation to question the whole idea that someone else knows more about how to heal you that you do. Including me. I can tell you what I know, but ultimately we are just human beings coming together to share and heal.” (29)
Dr Woodhouse believes that trauma should not (just) be a topic for the medical domain. Trauma is a normal part of living. We all experience it; “we’re all somewhere on the trauma spectrum” and we should all be trying to move down the spectrum to reduce our stress and improve our health, wellbeing and sense of self. (31)
She also acknowledges that life can be incredibly hard and unfair. It’s not right that so much trauma comes from outside of ourselves. Or that some traumas are worse than others. Or that change for the most affected people will be harder to achieve. She acknowledges that injustice and still hopes that you can make improvements for a softer, kinder, fairer life (32-33).
And then she says something (on page 34) that really resonated with me – because it is what I needed to hear at the start of my healing journey. It’s also something I often say to you in my own way:
I need you to hear me when I say that everything is going to be okay. It might not be perfectly the same, but it will be okay. One day you’re going to feel calm, anchored and present. You’re going to feel the gentle breeze and the warmth of the sun on your skin. You’re going to feel safe and home.
Don’t double-down / reclaim your agency instead
For Dr Woodhouse, she hit rock bottom after her MS diagnosis. She realized that she had ignored painful feelings her whole life. By staying super-busy, by over-achieving, by not stopping, disconnect kept her going (40). It was her way of (not) addressing the discomfort in her life. The more dysregulated her nervous system became, the harder she tried to push through. She ‘doubled-down’ on her commitments rather than ask for help or admit fatigue… and stayed sick.
[Again – my experience was VERY similar (read more here). When Covid lockdown happened, I was trying to help homeschool my kids, while helping my husband’s business, while studying for my PhD. As I got sicker and sicker with migraines, I kept telling myself to keep it together. I was afraid of failure. Afraid of letting others down. In hindsight I should have ‘hit pause’ with the university. I should have come back when I was feeling more balanced in terms of my time and my health. Live and learn, I guess. Then share the story to save others the hurt of making the same mistakes I did!]
Dr Woodhouse ends Chapter One by noting that a big part of healing is reclaiming your agency. You need to say “I don’t want this” for myself anymore and then do something about it (48).
The book then gets into some more nitty gritty ways to help heal your trauma. As I noted at the beginning, trauma is too personal to summarize in a way that will resonate safely with everyone.
So, I’ll end today’s post with a quote from early in her book that summarizes precisely how I feel: “yes, shit happens, but the mind and body really can heal.” (42)
I absolutely know from first-hand experience how hard healing can be. But it’s not impossible. If I can reverse daily migraine pain and reclaim my sense of self, I know you can too.
Sending a mountain of love, sunshine and healing vibes your way.
Stick with it and know that you’re never alone (I’m here if you need me).
Take care taking care,
Linda xox
Leave a Reply