Some days it can get pretty lonely when you’re dealing with pain, or when life is simply overwhelming, and you feel like it’s all a bit of a struggle. So, let’s do something a little different today… let’s pretend that we’re going on a dinner date together.
I’ve sent you the invitation for later tonight (or tomorrow if you’re already in bed!) and told you to choose the restaurant. Imagine where you’d choose, and what you’d wear… “smart casual” is what I will be wearing… and I’m game to try almost any cuisine, so long as it’s not tooooo spicy.
Imagine we meet out the front of the restaurant – would we shake hands? Would you let me be my overly-excited-self and give you a woo-hoo-we’re-here-together-face-to-face hug? Would we linger on the sidewalk recounting how hard it has been to get here, and how long we’ve been waiting to catch up with someone who gets what this life is really like? Would we be laughing, or perhaps close enough to tears… happy-tears, but with a tinge of real sadness that comes from being lonely for so long?
Once inside would we fuss over where to sit, or gratefully slide into any chair in any place? My preference is to draw as little attention to myself as possible, if you don’t mind, but if they suggest a table that’s too close to the noisy kitchen, I will be tempted to be brave enough to ask for a quieter location.
And what about the menu? Are you like me and keen to order as soon as possible in case there’s a delay in the food arriving… (I don’t want to trigger a migraine!), or do you ignore the options lined up on the page in front of you and launch straight into conversation… food-shmood… what will be will be.
What about the staff? Do you make small talk with them as they come and go with drinks and plates, or do you do your best to ignore them? I guess it doesn’t matter one way or the other; we are here for us… we are the center of our attention… but I was raised to always been polite to everyone (even before both my teenage daughters began to work as waitresses).
Now that the food is here – how do we proceed? Do we eat and cover our mouths as we try to talk, the conversation stop-starting around mouthfuls? Or should we stop the conversation for a moment and concentrate on eating for a few minutes? Perhaps we’re so enthusiastic to relive our healing journeys and celebrate our inchstones, that things get a little messy; we talk and eat and eat and talk and all those rules of etiquette about chewing each morsel ten times with your mouth closed are forgotten in our excitement.
OK, so now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty… if you had one burning question to ask me, what would it be? Would it be personal or ‘professional’, about illness or wellness? Would I laugh nervously and reply “you can’t ask me that!” or would I happily trot out an answer that will be as round-and-about as my writing style? And would you in turn be able to answer the same question with good grace and without a blush?
As the meal ends and we acknowledge how much we enjoy each other’s company, we might still jest about inviting another person to dinner next time. Given that our imagination knows no bounds, who would it be? A motivational speaker? A world-famous neurologist? A meditation guru? A therapist? Or, given that those are all healthcare related, might we invite Mr Darcy or Marilyn Monroe instead… no bounds, means no bounds… and again, what would your burning question be for this next-time guest?
And how shall we end? Coffee? Cake? Cognac? Of course I jest, I’ve been alcohol-free for 15 years to avoid the migraine trigger, and I would never drink coffee so close to bed… cake on the other hand… cake I can do! Besides, the best thing about dessert is that it drags the night on just a little bit longer… I get to spend just a little more time hearing about how you’re going, cringing about bad doctors we’ve seen, lamenting over the cost and nuisance of living with a variety of aches and pains. And laughing too, about all those times that we forget things due to brain-fog, or all those silly things that only someone who lives a life with a little struggle knows how to laugh at… a life that feels a little “less-than” compared to other people we know.
Then when it is time to part ways, I realize with a wave of gratitude that I was wrong – my life is nothing close to “less-than” because you’re in it – so it’s “more-than” enough… life is good.
LIFE IS GOOD.
And now it’s time for me to wave you goodbye, let me leave you with a parting message: “thank you for being here, and thank you for being you. I hope you enjoyed dinner. Let’s talk again soon dear friend, and – take care taking care.”
Linda xx
The Mindful Migraine 
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