“What do you think caused this bad migraine?” my husband kindly asks. “I don’t know,” I honestly reply; “yesterday was very hot, so maybe I got overly dehydrated?”
If I’m in a reasonable mood the innocent enquiry will end there.
If I’m feeling more paingry, then I’m likely to get frustrated – either out loud or in my head.
“What caused your migraine?” is a simple question on the face of it, but underneath, it implies that I have control of the situation… AND that in some way I have lost control.
“What caused your illness?” sounds a bit like “what did you do wrong to cause this bad situation you now find yourself in?”
I know that’s not what people mean… and yet.
I know that they mean no harm… and yet.
In some strange, messed-up way, it can sometimes feel like my triggers are a trigger that can make me feel more unwell.
Feeling mentally and emotionally drained from trying not to get more unwell, influences how I feel physically – and before long, I get caught in a knotty-knot of (greater) unwellness.
When I take a deep breath, I can recognize that my frustration says more about me than the people who are asking “what happened?”
Because being chronically unwell IS frustrating.
I often feel as if I am not in control of my migraines, my health, my life. BUT I also often feel as if I AM making great strides in my healing process. Each day that I feel well, I congratulate myself on making the small improvements that seem to be having an improving effect – yay me!
Each time I get sick again, it’s easy to do the reverse and admonish myself for (apparently) NOT applying the lifestyle tips and tricks I recommend and for somehow “allowing” myself to get sick.
The reality is, migraine is a complicated condition with a lot of moving parts (see my post here for example) – there are a lot of spinning cogs if you like. I invented the anacronym SWANEY (explained in detail here) to remind myself that Sleep, Water, Awareness, Nutrition, Exercise and a Yes-more attitude to healing all help. And it’s true – it has helped me A LOT.
BUT it’s more than just that.
I’ve also written about the Circle of Influence (here) that reminds us that we can’t control everything to do with our health and what triggers the cascading effects of a migraine.
You can be hydrated, but still be caught out by a strobing light… or eat and sleep well but be overwhelmed by a stressful event… or manage your stress through mindfulness and still have a surge of hormones that does you in.
You CAN make a difference by managing your triggers and increasing your resilience to better accommodate those triggers by “closing the gap” between cause and effect, but you might still get sick (although hopefully a lot less often, and with migraines that are less intense and are shorter in duration).
Again – there’s a lot of moving parts – a lot of spinning cogs that can make you sick or well – and they’re all influencing each other, and once one wheel starts turning, it starts another off and they all start to influence the rotations of still more cogs, until it seems like all the spinning wheels start to speed up.
SO what can you do?
For me, I remind my family and friends that innocent questions like “how’s the head?” can still irritate the bejezus out of me, and that even kindness can feel like a form of interference if it isn’t worded right (good luck with that!)
I also try to build a form of patience and grace into my days so that I remember to celebrate my inch-stone achievements (rather than waiting for big milestones to be reached, which can feel a lifetime away), and so that when the bad days come, I’m not too quick to blame myself as “a failure”.
Healing is tidal as I’ve mentioned before, and whilst the migraine-tide IS going out for me and I AM feeling better all the time, there are still going to be glitches in my journey – you can’t just hit a switch to turn off chronic migraine (no matter what the Pinterest ads say).
You are you-nique, and so is your healing journey. Getting better is a complex multi-cog-turning event that involves physical, mental, emotional, hormonal, chemical, spiritual, social and creative improvements.
Over and over – look to the good – instead of saying “I want less pain” (which focuses on pain), say “I want more joy” (which has a positive focus).
Energy flows where attention goes.
Focus on the glimmers not triggers…
…and repeat after me; “life is good, I am good, I am grateful, and I deserve to heal.”
Take care taking care lovelies,
Linda x
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PS – for some extra tips on how to communicate with loved ones when you feel sick – try this post: “Migraine Love Language“
The Mindful Migraine 
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